A Messiah Or A Murderer

A Messiah Or A Murderer

She came out of the house. It was pitch dark outside. There was a nip in the air. She walked into the narrow lanes with a huge coat to protect herself from the cold. She had ventured out with an agenda.

In the daytime, she worked as a research scientist in a forensic lab. At night, she donned the detective hat. She was the official Sherlock Holmes even at her own house.

Today, she was out to solve the case that police was finding difficult to crack. She was out to catch a man who had mysteriously killed four men. The man left no evidence, but he killed these four young men brutally.

The killings had happened on the same road. As she walked, she landed on a rocky platform. While she was about to trip, she saw a shadow. Fear gripped her. The shadow looked huge. 

She wanted to scream, but surprisingly the shadow offered her a hand. She saw a mark, and the same was seen while she and her team had performed an autopsy on those bodies.

“Who are you?” she asked as she held his hands.

“I want you to go home immediately. This place is not safe for girls,” he replied.

This man had a bushy beard and had a big mole on his face.

He grabbed her by the arm and said, “Go back soon.”

“I know you are the one who killed those youth. The police are behind you. Why did you murder them?” questioned she.

Something changed in his eyes. They had turned moist. 

He said, “I had a daughter your age. One night she and her boyfriend were coming back from a party. Five men stopped them. They were rich brats who were high on drugs. They killed my daughter’s boyfriend by shooting him with a pistol. She screamed for help, but there was no one around. They pushed her to the ground. My daughter tried to resist, but they tore her clothes. One by one, they raped her. When she tried to push them, they hit her and bit her. They were animals who killed my daughter. She was bleeding and lying naked on this road the entire night. The next morning, someone saw her and informed the cops. She was taken to the hospital, where she was declared dead on arrival. From the CCTV, the police caught hold of five of them. They belonged to an affluent family. Nothing was proved, and they were free. I lost faith in the judicial system and took the law into my hands. I have killed four of them. Only one is left. After I take care of him, I will hand over myself to the police. I told you all this because in you I see my daughter. I would never want any girl to be a victim. Now go.”

After I reached home, his story replayed in my mind. Was he a messiah or a murderer?________________________________
Connect with Penmancy:



Penmancy gets a small share of every purchase you make through these links, and every little helps us continue bringing you the reads you love!

Latest posts by Suveera Bellary (see all)

2 thoughts on “A Messiah Or A Murderer

  1. Hi Suveera,

    your tales brought back memories of horrific incidents involving gangrapes and brutal murders of women.
    So, kudos for attempting a tale like this.

    I present an honest view, so please feel free to disagree. Penmancy is a platform where people give honest feedbacks, with a single aim in mind – to lift the writer and show him/her the path to improvement.

    So, here I go.

    Your tale started off quite well. However, it ended on a tad disappointing note. The prompt adherance was ‘Shadow’, and yes, there was a mention of it, but just in passing.

    Some errors/typos are pointed out here.

    1. She came out of the house. It was pitch dark outside.
    // She came out of the house. It was pitch dark//
    Reason – No need to mention ‘outside’ again. Since she has come out of the house, it is implied that it is dark outside (and not inside)

    2. At night, she donned the detective hat.
    // At night, she donned a detective’s hat OR she donned the hat of a detective //

    3. She saw a mark, and the same was seen while she and her team had performed an autopsy on those bodies.
    // She saw a mark, just like the one she had seen on the bodies she had performed an autopsy on //

    4. After I reached home, his story replayed in my mind. Was he a messiah or a murderer?
    // The fiction started with 3rd person narrative. So it should continue //

    I find it strange that the police could not zero in on the girl’s father. Of course, in a flash fiction, it is difficult to encapsulate so many things.

    Nevertheless, a decent attempt. Keep writing, and this will polish your skills.

  2. Your story is a harsh reminder of an episode that touched everyone ‘s heart and rocked the nation.

    Well, with every story the narration improves and you learn to deliver a crisp tale.

    Narayani has already pointed out how some sentencescould have been handled better. Here is one more \\They killed my daughter’s boy friend by shooting him with a pistol.// They shot at my daughter’s boyfriend, killing him instantly, or something like that. when one shoots it is not very important to say whether a gun or a pistol. was used.

    I have learnt from such writing platforms that in a 500 words story sentences have to be coined judicially, with minimum usage of words and maximum impact.

    Best wishes.

Let us know what you think about this story.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

© Penmancy 2018 All rights reserved.
%d bloggers like this: