Dad

I just wrote this as a tribute to my father, today being his death anniversary. He lived with me for ten years after my mother’s death. Would like all my new friends to read it.

I never locked the house once in the last ten years.I never worried once that the milkman would turn back. I never gave a second thought to house hold chores while leaving for work. ‘Bye Dad’ I would shout as I hurried out sometimes even leaving the gate open in my haste. It would all be looked after.
But relationships, however close, need to be nurtured. Why do we feel that we have all the time in the world to watch this circus, we call life?

I am certain he appreciated the fact that I juggled between my job, the house, the kids and the minor administrative adjustments that make up the business of living. As I rushed past his room ,maybe a hundred times a day, I would feel his eyes on me, hungry for some company.

As a doctor he was health conscious. As an army man he was disciplined. Meals from outside should be avoided. So we smuggled in junk food ,to be enjoyed in the privacy of our bedroom.

Extravagance was frowned upon So we left the shopping in the car, to be taken inside when the coast was clear.

I was often impatient with him due to his hearing deficiency. Many a time the cliché would often impinge on my conscience-‘Life always comes a full circle’. A few years down the line, I would be old, deaf and lonely. But I would push the thought away, to be deliberated upon later.

Today Dad, I locked the house for the first time in ten years. Today Dad I can eat what I want. Today I can shop all I want. But I realise you were concerned about my health. You wanted me to save for a rainy day. You were wise. Your experience and wisdom was far superior to our superficial ways of living and thinking.

Though there is no damage done I must have hurt you. Did I Dad? I would like to believe I gave you some measure of happiness. Did I? Dad? Did I?

When we have the time, we avoid the questions. And when the time has slipped past we hunt for the answers. And then there are no answers. It is too late.
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