One Sunday afternoon, when my wife went out with her friends, I sat gazing out of the window. The dazzling sun abruptly disappeared behind the clouds, leaving the sky overcast. The leaves swayed in the breeze, and, in minutes, rain started to pour.
A feeling of resentfulness gripped me. My eyes turned moist. “Is this something new?” my mind questioned.
I instantly said ’No’.
Well, then, you should go to a counsellor, my mind whispered.
Should I? I thought that night and finally decided to visit a counsellor. The following morning, I arrived at the clinic but left without entering. I kept doing that for a few days.
The counsellor noticed this. One day, while I turned to go back, she saw me and asked me to come in.
I gently pushed the sliding glass door of her cabin and stepped in.
“Hello, Gentlemen.” the counsellor greeted me with a warm smile.
I greeted her in return.
“How may I help you, sir?” The counsellor said.
Nothing. I want to leave. I replied and got up.
I guess the counsellor sensed a subdued melancholy in my voice. She requested me to sit down and asked, “Is there something you’d like to share?”
I first hesitated, my heart pounding in my chest. A few seconds later, I uttered. “I have a secret buried in my heart for a long time.”
“Please go ahead. I am listening.” The counsellor said.
“From being a social butterfly to a solitary life, things changed overnight when I realized my mistake. Friends and my wife wondered what was wrong with me. The secret I have harboured is making my heart heavy, and I cry often whenever I am alone.” I stopped while speaking and took a breath.
“Do you want water?” The counsellor asked.
I nodded my head in no and continued. “Me and my wife shared a great bond, and there was no reason for me to indulge in a sin like this. I cheated on my wife by getting emotionally involved with another woman. I don’t know why I got carried away.
It’s been a decade, and I still repent. I tried to harm myself but failed. I struggle to sleep. My mind keeps telling me I can’t escape the sin I have committed.”
“I understand you made a mistake, but you have already taken one step ahead by realizing it,” The counsellor stated.
“No, it’s a sin, not a mistake. How do I make amends? I swear, I want to confess to my wife, but fear is holding me back. What if she hates me and leaves me?” I retaliated.
“Ok. Can you get your wife here? Maybe I can talk and come up with a solution.” The counsellor suggested.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said and walked out of her cabin.
My heart and soul continue to weep, even though I have confided in a counselor about this secret. My guilt, I believe, will end with me.
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