Life and…Blah Blah

Hello, hi, how do you do, blah, blah, blah, blah. I won’t waste my time with silly greetings. Let’s get to the point why I am writing this mini autobiography kinda thing, which tells about a couple of interesting days of my life. Ahh, life, a word that’s… complicated. So, I am a guy who doesn’t have a home on Earth, though I spend a lot of time there. You can try to find me but you won’t be able to. When I roam the streets on Earth, I am unnoticed. No one glances or stares at me. I can jump into a fire truck and sing ‘Jingle Bells’ while dancing to the tune of ‘Believer’ and no one would even care. Enough of that. Now the only reason I am writing this stupid autobiography is because my boss has told me to use my experience as a message to the world. I usually like my boss but sometimes he can be annoying. So let’s start the story! (I am not happy or excited  about it, I am doing it for the sake of you readers. In reality I am moaning.)

3rd June, 2020, 3:30 pm    

I was in the country of India, specifically in the city Gurgaon, which is in the state of Harjanya (or is it called Haryana? It’s so difficult for me to remember every state of every country in the world, so pardon me if I get it wrong.) and was looking for a taxi I could sneak into. I assumed here were many people going the way I was going, so I would reach the right place. The heat was terrible. Now I know one – fourth of the pain the glaciers of Antarctica are facing. After thirty minutes of standing under the metro station, waiting for a taxi to pass by, I stomped over to a booth and asked why there was no taxi coming. The person there didn’t notice me but I read a sign that said all the taxis were rented out for a field trip to Delhi for three hours. I groaned. Once before, when I was in India, I had hitchhiked an auto. It appeared I would have to do that again. But last time I had noticed that autos didn’t suit me. I nearly puked in a fifteen minute ride and never before in the past had I ever puked! But I needed to get to that house on time, and the house was three and a half hours away! This was worse than the fate of Tantalus!

After five minutes, I saw an auto coming and an American man was going to climb into it. I overheard the conversation and found out that the American man was going the same way as me. Thank the Three Fates! This is one of the extremely few times Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos have been kind to me. As soon as the man got into the auto, I creeped in when they weren’t looking, though they wouldn’t even notice me, I wasn’t taking any chances. I snuggled on to the floor and it was a totally new world. There was a prehistoric chewing gum stuck under the seat, a piece of a sandwich which  looked like it had been eaten by a turtle, three chocolate wrappers with ants crawling all over it and a dead baby rat below the drivers seat. To add to the mess, the American guy ate a banana and threw the peel at my head, and judging by the colour of the peel, it looked like it had been edible three years ago. I take it back Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos!

“I will have to shop for things at a store in five minutes. It will take me a long time to shop for the supplies, and by long I mean an hour.” The American man told the driver.

“WHAT THE HADES!” I yelled but the other two in the auto didn’t even glance at me. “I will have to wait an hour more!” 

When we stopped, I got out with the American guy because I wanted to get off from the floor of the auto. I shuddered thinking about it. I went into the store which I found out was called Reliance supermarket. It was huge. I looked aimlessly at things that I didn’t need and then I focused on how the store could improve. Well first of all, I think the cream boxes needed to be wiped a bit due to some stains. The red and white didn’t go together so maybe they should change the red to grey or black. The headphones needed to be stacked better. They looked like they would fall any second. Crash! Thud! Thud! Crash! That confirmed my suspicions. I saw the cucumber rack had to be cleaned. It was dripping in rotten cucumber juice. I could go on forever when I saw a old person next to me at the yogurt rack. He looked sad. I went closer to him and heard him muttering.

“I have gotten so old. Take me away God. There is no way I can help my family at this age.” He said to himself.

I exploded into a speech.

“LISTEN! You are old but you still have value! Look at yourself! You are the one buying stuff at this supermarket! That’s benefiting your family…….” I continued for some time, speaking so frantically that I wasn’t even looking at the guy. “… and you have only one life to live and there is still a lot of it left, so use it!” I finally ended and looked at the man. He had moved to another rack and was still talking to himself. He hadn’t even heard me! All of this speech was a waste of my time! I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket and started writing a note on it.

 

LISTEN UP OLD MAN!
Don’t give up just yet. You have got one life to live, so use up every moment, even if it is coming to an end. And you are still benefiting your family, because you are the one buying the groceries! So come to your senses and do something with your life!
– anonymous

I crumpled up the paper into a ball and threw it at the man. It hit him in the head and he picked it up. He unfolded it and read it. His eyes grew wide and then I heard him say something.

“Thank God for whoever sent me this letter, that person made me realise that I am helping my family and I should be using my life even if little of it is left.” He whispered to himself .

I went back to the auto and in another few minutes my riding companion came back. I was on the floor again. In the time I was gone a bird had decided that the auto floor was a perfect place for it to do its job. Yuck!

I squeezed myself against the seat to avoid the bird waste and fell asleep. Around forty minutes later, a yell woke me up. 

“OH MY God! THAT IS THE MUSEUM I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO! DRIVER STOP! I WILL LOOK AROUND THAT MUSEUM!!!!!.” The American man shouted.

I was like “Why in the name of Apollo’s sun chariot did I travel with him?”

I cursed myself for choosing this auto to travel in.

In the end I went out. 

AND EXPLODED!

IT WAS A GREEK MYTHOLOGY MUSEUM AND THE ENTRY HALL ITSELF HAD A PAINTING WHICH DEPICTED SOMETHING THAT NEVER HAPPENED IN GREEK HISTORY!

IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS! Zeus never kicked Kronos in the ….
in the ….
How should I say it? Hmmmm…. I got it! The place where it hurts most.

So I went to the reception to complain about it when I saw the receptionist writing in a diary. I looked over his shoulder to read what he was writing. I know it was bad of me, but it might be important later when I come to take him away.

Dear diary,
Another day in this miserable job which my father forced upon me, only because this job gives me a lot of money. I hate it. I wanted to work for a computer software company. I don’t know what to do. 

Huh.
People are weird. 

I thought that this person needed to know that he should do what he wanted to, he should rebel against his father. So I looked around for a way in which I could convey the message. I noticed there was a TV and a speaker connected to the receptionist’s phone, and then I laid my plan into action. I changed the TV channel to a Disney princess movie, and every Disney princess movie has the quote ‘follow your dreams!’ and the movie was exactly on the right spot when the princess in the movie said ‘follow your dreams!’ And the startled receptionist saw and heard it. Then I took the guys phone and put the song ‘one life to live’ by Lou Rawls. The receptionist jumped at the sound of the music but then he listened intently. After the song he again wrote in his diary. 

I just got some great inspiration from a movie and a song, and I have decided to revolt against my father! This is a great day!

Don’t people have common sense? This guy should have objected as soon his father had forced him to work here. I shook my head. I went back to the auto and found a toffee wrapper covered in dirt.

Once the auto was back on track, I wanted to vomit.

It became worse.

Now , it was the worst nausea in the world.

I don’t think anybody would sit on the auto floor now that it’s covered with digested nutrients.

Some digested nutrients were on the driver. He didn’t notice.

After 20 minutes, I heard the sound of air escaping. Pshwuuuuuuuu! The driver stepped out of the auto to find out where the noise had come from. He came back and reported to the American man that the tyre was punctured and it would be fixed overnight.

After that, I started bawling. Literally. I mean, OVERNIGHT! POSEIDON’S UNDERPANTS!

After my tears finished creating a new lake, I followed the American man to a hotel. I went inside the room the man had just booked. It wasn’t the Four Seasons, not even close. You don’t want me to describe it. After ten minutes there, I had had enough. I raced down the stairs and out of the stinking building, and by stinking I mean both of the meanings.

 

I looked around, wondering what I should do. I couldn’t just stand there. So I walked down the road to a small white building which had a sign that said CARING ORPHANAGE. I doubted it. Out ofa hundred, only a handful of orphanages were really caring.

“Shhhhhhh!” I heard a voice say. “Do you want us to get caught?” 

“No-no, not at all. Then-then they will abuse us more. I will stay q-q-quiet.” Another voice trembled.

I slowly moved towards to the voices and saw two kids with cuts and bruises by the dozen. See what I mean? I felt sympathetic to the two. I think they were escaping. Well, I wouldn’t stop them. I watched them gladly.

“Actually I don’t think we should go.” The first kid said.

“Yeah, what if we are c-caught.” The second kid said.

“And anyway, we won’t be able to reach our aunts house in that much time.” The first kid sighed sadly.

Then both the kids went inside depressed. I can’t believe it! They have to get out of this place! At least they should try! I know they will get more beaten up if they are found, but Hera will always help children in trouble!

I walked inside the orphans and found them getting some water before going to bed in the kitchen, so I went in through the next door and saw the living room. It had many toys, such as a train set, some alphabets, a Lego set. Then Zeus  provided some electricity for Thomas Edison to light up the light bulb in my brain. I took the letter and made a sentence using them. The sentence was.

THESE PEOPLE ARE TREATING YOU BADLY. GO TO YOUR AUNTS HOUSE, AND TELL HER TO SUE THE ORPHANAGE. I WILL GUIDE YOU.

  • God

The two kids came in. When they saw the message, they rubbed their eyes.eyes.

“Am I dreaming? Has God really sent us a message?” The second boy said excitedly.

“No you aren’t! Even I can see that message! He says we should go to our aunts house. Well, we can’t refuse God and he must be doing it for our good!” The other boy said.

So the two rushed out, grabbed some food in the kitchen and some waterbottles, and rushed out. I silently prayed to Hera and Hestia to guide them safely to their aunts house.

The next morning

I had slept on the roadside! Yes, I slept on the roadside! The hotel door had closed and I didn’t want to sleep in that room which smelt of urine. Speaking of urine, I think a dog had slept in the auto that night and had decided to ease out his bladder.

After some time, we reached my destination! It was the house of a world famous businessman, who was very sick. I slowly opened the door and so did the American man. While the American person waited in the huge living room, I went into the businessman’s resting room. Slowly I took him away….

Yeah so that’s the story. I hope you liked it blah, blah I don’t care. One sec guys, my boss is saying something.

He said that I most likely have missed a small detail about me, let me check if I have…..

Yes I have.

So I will just tell you that detail. I am Thanatos, also known as ’Death’ from Greek mythology. My boss is Hades, God of the underworld. Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos are the Three Fates and the rest you all must know. NOW I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS STUPID BIOGRAPHY AND I CAN WATCH MY LITTLE PONY! Uhhhhhhh…… I didn’t just say that. Repeat that to anyone and I will take you away to the underworld which means you will die. Good bye forever.

Bye.

Shoo.

Please go away.

Why are not going?

Let me try some other languages: Auf Wiedersehen? Ok Not German. Adiós? Not Spanish. Au revoir? Not French.

Okay now you have forced me to limit. Please pardon me.

GET THE HADES OUT OF HERE UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!

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AUTHOR’S NOTE
This story is inspired by my undying passion for Greek and Roman mythology. Thanks to the the authors of the Heroes in Training series from which I started learning about Greek mythology, and a million times bigger thanks to Rick Riordan for the Percy Jackson book series, the Heroes of Olympus book series and the Trials of Apollo book series. Thanks to my mother as well who got those books for me!

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1 Comments

  1. Reply

    Atharv, I really enjoyed your story. Greek mythology has always been a favourite of mine too. You have handled the marriage between Greek mythology and Indian sensibilties very well. I especialy enjoyed the ato adventures. Only one line that I found mildly confusing is’Okay now you have forced me to limit. Please pardon me’. I couldn’t grasp what was being limited? Or if there’s another meaning that I’m unaware. Fanastic effort!

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