Matrimonial Farm

Matrimonial Farm

“Get ready quickly Masakali, Matrimony Uncle will be here any time. The early bird catches the worm!”

“Seriously Mom?!” she chirped ‘I don’t want to get married to a worm!!”

Kabutri rolled her eyes, “This idiot has no idea of idioms!”

Kurma slowly crawled his way to the barn, bearing the weight of his carapace and matchmaking diary. No one knew his exact age, but what they knew was that he had married many generations of farm animals. Today he had come for matchmaking and collect new data from potential ‘candidates’.

Everyone was preening and pruning themselves while waiting in the beeline. Bugzy rapidly chewed on some mint leaves to cover up his cigarette smell. Equina neighed and clacked her hooves while shaking her freshly cut pony tail.

“Hold your horses, Equina! Your turn will come!”

Dhenu had worn her best golden ‘jhumkas’ and mooed with pride as she sat facing Kurma uncle. 

“My astrologer told me I will bring prosperity in any stable I go.”

“No doubt about that.” he replied.

Bahadur, the German shepherd strutted in his army uniform and raised his paw to salute Kurma.

‘Oh colonel Bahadur need no introduction, I talked to the neighbouring watchdog about you. They will get back to me!’

He whimpered putting his tail between his legs and whined, “I think no one wants a divorced Colonel.”

“Better luck next time, Colonel”, interjected Henamma placing a bowl of maize laddoos in front of Kurma.

“Try these laddoos Kurma, my daughter Hensini made it herself, very delicious.”

And she whispered, “we will give a sackful of corn to the groom too, just don’t mention that my Hensini is Manglik okay?”

Kurma scratched his head.

Next came Swara… she had done a fine job blending the pink foundation on her face but her trotters were still muddy.

‘Swara, I have got an excellent match for you, from a very eminent family. The boy has a good job and has his own pigsty with attached bathroom.’

“Oink oink… not interested.”

“I guess you can’t show pearls to a swine,” Kurma muttered.

The last candidate of the farm sheepishly approached him.

“Oh you are a new candidate. I will need your full bio-data.”

“Name?”

“Sheem Baksheep.”

“Hobbies?”

“Smoking and gambling. I recently gambled three bagfuls of wool in Alpaca’s Casino.”

 “I have been in the matrimony business for longer than you know Missus, no one flaunts their vices here!”

Kurma straightened his spectacles and eyed her dubiously, “Out with it, you want to go for further studies?”

“Baa…Defence against the Dark Wolves!” she blurted out.

“Hmm….So Sheepstein is the man for you!”

“Wait what! I don’t want to get married. I just told you-”

“Stop bleating! Sheepstein is a Defense Professor. Here is the address- Behind the Slaughterhouse, Chestnut Farm .He is offering scholarships for this course since many wolves in sheep’s clothing have been spotted around recently.”

Go Sheem go, live your life!

And Sheem ran away.
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