Mom, How I Wished

Mom, How I Wished

O God Mom, I am seriously fed up of you now……Why the hell did you come spying at me……..You follow me wherever possible. I am always mocked by my friends. They name call me. They call me thumb sucking baby as my mother is always behind me. Do you even realize how embarrassing it always is!

But Ayesha……I was just trying to protect you. The company of your friends ,is not good. Lying to your parents, alcohol, drugs and what not. This is not you Ayesha. You have changed a lot. You have already ruined yourself and I won’t let any more damage to your life now, whether you like it or not.

Oh Mom please, can you leave me alone……I don’t want to talk to you……..I am no more a little child so stop treating me like one……I am a sixteen year old grown up……Why do you just keep hounding me………Stop interfering in my life……I can very well take care of myself even without you around……I wish I was living with dad. At least he would have given me the space I deserve.

But Ayesha I am your mother and I am worried about you……….You are my only child and my reason to live after your father left me for his secretary…….Whatever mom….What to expect from you when you can’t even make your own husband love you………Please leave my room, I want to rest. My head is splitting!

And the door slammed while Samiksha stood there shocked by her daughter’s words……….

Samiksha woke up with a start. Again the same dream. However hard she tried, she was never able to not think of that fateful day. The clock had already stuck 6. She wiped the droplets of sweat that had emerged on her face and set herself to start a day. First thing in the morning, she prepared herself a strong coffee and sat near balcony, her mind racing against the thoughts and incidents of the dreadful past.As she sipped her coffee, she peeped outside the window.It was raining heavily.She took a gander at her plush bungalow and thought if it was all worth it. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice that her coffee went ice cold like every other day.It was 7 a.m now. All of a sudden she realized that she was sitting near the balcony for almost an hour now. Of the entire space in her lavish bungalow, this balcony area used to be her all time favourite. She really liked the view with azure sea and swaying trees. Somehow she always tried to find calmness inside her while wandering in the serenity of sea only to become even more fidgety. As the waves bounced back and forth, so did the thoughts in her mind. Was she a bad wife and a bad mother?Was she a loser?

No I am not! She wanted to shout aloud for everyone to hear.

But she knew there was no one to listen, at least listen to her.

She once again took out a crumpled piece of paper, zread it and kept it back again. She used to repeat this activity n number of times a day.

She got ready and prepared breakfast for herself. By the time she finished her regular chores the clock already stuck 9. “Amaira would be here any moment”, she thought.

“Good morning, Ma’am. Today, you have to attend the BMS school annual function as chief guest from 11:30 onwards. After that, you have a lunch meeting with our client Mr. Aggarwal regarding our new project.”

Amaira was Samiksha’s personal assistant or it won’t be wrong to say, she was way more than just a mere PA. A tall girl having alluring eyes with jet black tresses swaying down her waist, a perfect figure with glowing complexion, angelic face and calm demeanour, Amaira was beautiful in all ways. People often were awestruck to see such a beauty and at times Amaira had to bear a brunt of it. She was in her mid-twenties and was with Samiksha since five years now and in these five years, Amaira was thankful every moment that she met Samiksha. She dreaded to think what her life would had been otherwise.

As Amaira was speaking, Samiksha was admiring her. Since the day she met Amaira, she was fond of her. She always felt a special bond brewing between her and Amaira for she always reminded her of a special person in her life.

“Ma’am, are you okay. You seem to be lost somewhere again. What is it? You can share with me”. 

Samiksha always liked the way Amaira noticed her. Everytime she was upset, Amaira was always there for her.

“Oh its nothing.”Samiksha said to her even when she was badly desperate to share her feelings with Amaira. 

“I will wait for the day when you would share your feelings with me”,thought Amaira.

Both Samiksha and Amaira left the place together. On way to school, Amaira again started the same topic hoping to get some result. 

“Ma’am I feel, you have so much buried deep within your heart. I know you have come a long way. I am all ears to you always. You can always share your sorrows with me. I cannot forget the day I met you. It has changed my life forever.”

The journey from Samiksha’s place to school was of around an hour.. There was disturbing silence in the car. Both Amaira and Samiksha were thinking how destiny played the role and they met each other that too in such disturbing circumstances.

Five Years Ago

BMS School

And the award for Student of the Year goes to……Amaira was about to get up……Ms Ayesha for her outstanding performance in scholastic as well as co-scholastic areas……It was hard for Amaira to hide the expression of disappointment that was all over her face……As she saw Ayesha receiving the award…..her award….she could do nothing but clench her fists in utter discontent. Once again she came my way…….this award was mine……I worked real hard this time but again the b**** snatched it from me. 

Amaira was so engrossed in her thoughts that she failed to notice Ayesha just in front of her beaming with joy. She hugged Amaira and showed her trophy. Amaira tried to maintain her composure and congratulated her.

“Oh Amaira, I am so happy. At first I thought the award would go to you for you had worked really hard and even surpassed me in some events. For me you are always the winner”, said Ayesha, winning glow evident in her eyes.

“No Ayesha, the award always belonged to you. You have always been the best and there is no competition among friends. I am really happy for my friend’s victory”, Amaira spoke.

Amaira felt as if thousands of knives stabbed her in the heart. Its not that she did not like Ayesha, she only disliked the fact that Ayesha was always ahead of her. Being shy and introvert by nature, Amaira was unable to make a place for herself amongst peers as Ayesha did. 

Ayesha had always been an outspoken and confident girl. She always aced in any activity or competition that came her way. She had always been a centre of attraction. 

Ayesha was the owner of bluish grey eyes,and a confident personality. Her wheatish complexion and hour glass figure only added to her grace.

If compared to Amaira, she can be less beautiful but her personality was enough to charm anyone. Not only her peers,even the school teachers relied on Ayesha for any activity or event where they wanted to flaunt their school.

Amaira was Ayesha’s best friend and both the girls set perfect example of friendship in the school. Ayesha was least aware of Amaira’s thoughts and always counted on her best friend. But as Ayesha became more and more famous in school, Amaira became more and more jealous and that was when her mind started running towards all the negative and mischievous thoughts. 

She wanted to prove herself better than Ayesha and at any cost.

Her jealous and insecure nature was driving her towards destruction.

One day, Ayesha saw Amaira with a boy whom she quickly recognized as Romit. Romit was another popular guy in their school but for all wrong reasons. Being the only son of millionaire and ultra-busy parents he was spoilt in every way. His parents compensated their absence in his life by loading him with money and more gifts always. Not that he minded. For him the attachment with his parents was long lost. His only interest is now minting money from his parents and flaunting all the riches he owned amongst his friends.

Owing to his rowdy nature, Romit was abhorred by almost everyone but owing to his riches, no one was able to let go of him. He was the reason for funfilled moments in some of his friend’s life whose parents cannot afford luxuries. 

When Ayesha saw Amaira and Romit together, she couldn’t believe her eyes. It took no time for her to understand that Amaira was his next object for playing as Romit was famous for his nature of flirting. She decided to confront Amaira.

Ayesha: Amaira, I saw you with that Romit. You are very well aware of his nature, then what were you doing with him that too during the class.

Amaira: Stop being my mom Ayesha. Its my life and I can do whatever I want to with it. Don’t interfere.

Ayesha couldn’t believe what she heard and the change in her best friend’s attitude disturbed her.

She tried to make Amaira understand. 

“Romit is not a nice guy Amaira and you are aware. Why do you want to put your life at stake despite knowing everything. Plus, we are in just Grade 10, what if your parents or our teachers get to know”, reasoned Ayesha.

“That is what you think of your friend. It was just a casual meeting and look what had been churning in your mind”, complained Amaira.

“You also know that it was not ‘just’ a casual meeting”

“Please Amaira, don’t let yourself fall in the trap.”

Amaira turned deaf ears to Ayesha’s words and left.

That was the first ever rift between the two.

As days passed, Amaira grew more and more distant and indifferent to Ayesha and more closer to Romit. Even their classmates started noticing the changes. 

To Ayesha’s every request and concern, Amaira showed least botheration. She was enjoying the fact that there was at least someone who preferred her over Ayesha. She almost forgot what image Romit had in school and was flowing with a flow.

Romit was always showering Amaira with flowers, chocolates and expensive gifts. Not even for once Amaira thought about the cost she had to pay for accepting those luxuries.

One day, Romit coaxed Amaira to bunk school so that they can watch a movie together. Amaira was sceptical but Romit easily convinced her. 

Amaira had a thrilling experience of bunking and watching a movie that day.

One more time, Ayesha tried to reason with her friend but to no avail.

Bunking schools, irregularity in studies became a routine for Amaira now.

Ayesha was watching everything but unable to do anything for her friend who was pushing herself in a trench. Left with no option, Ayesha decided to talk to Amaira’s parents.

When Amaira’s parents came to know of everything, they grounded Amaira for two months. 

That was the last straw. Amaira couldn’t take it and she vowed to cause destruction in Ayesha as for her she was the reason for her condition. 

Everything seemed normal for some days. Amaira’s parents didn’t let her talk to Romit. 

Ayesha became busy with her studies. She was aware how sad and lonely her mother was since her dad left her for his secretary. She had vowed to give all the happiness her mother deserved. 

There was bitterness developed in Samiksha after the incident so much so that sometimes she even abhorred Ayesha for being in her life but deep down her heart she loved Ayesha more than anything in the world.

After Amaira came to school, she wasn’t the same as before. She approached Ayesha and said sorry to her. Ayesha ,though found her behaviour a bit weird was happy to get her friend back. 

Days passed normally until the day when it was Amaira’s sixteenth birthday. She somehow was able to seek permission from her parents to celebrate her birthday with her friends. Her parents agreed since they thought with Ayesha , Amaira would be safe, least aware of the disaster that was going to happen. 

Instead of going to the designated restaurant, Amaira took Ayesha to a deserted farm house which of course belonged to Romit. 

“Amaira I want to leave the place right away,”demanded Ayesha.

“Oh come on Ayesha, do not be a spoilt sport. Trust me we’ll have fun”,winked Amaira.

Soon Romit joined them. He took out a packet from his pocket passed it to Amaira. 

Amaira confidently took the packet and sniffed it and wickedly passed it to Ayesha who was standing there shocked. 

She shouted at Amaira and stormed out to leave only to be stopped by both of them.

“Lets have fun baby”,and Romit covered her face with handkerchief. 

*************

 As Ayesha regained consciousness she found herself in her room with her worried mother sitting beside her. She had no idea what happened just hours ago.

“How are you feeling beta” asked Samiksha.

“Mom how did I reach here?What happened”

“You went to Samaira’s birthday party and had alcohol. To be honest I am truly disappointed in you. How could you? You are just fifteen and look at you?”

“Had it not been Amaira who came all the way to drop you at home safely, God knows how would you’d reached.”

As Ayesha’s mother was speaking, she was listening to her wide eyed. 

“But mom…..”

“No more ifs and buts…..I can’t imagine my daughter would do something like that”

“You got to trust me mom”

“How can I Ayesha when I had seen it all”

“Mom please”

“Listen to me very carefully Ayesha! After your dad left I had to suffer a lot emotionally, and sometimes even physically and to top it all I have to look after you. So better mend your ways. I had been trying really hard to make ends meet.”

“Hope this incident won’t be repeated again”

And Samiksha left the room,leaving behind her bewildered daughter.

“She didn’t trust me”

“I had never gone against her wishes and what I got in return? My mother did not even let me tell my side of story.“

Ayesha was unable to digest her mother’s behaviour. 

Next day in school also , she was upset. She saw Amaria approaching her. As she was about to leave the day, Amaira stopped her by hand and requested her to talk for a while. 

Reluctantly, Ayesha agreed totally unaware that what a big mistake she was about to commit.

Amaira began

The day I was grounded, I was vexed by whatever happened. I tried hard to convince my parents that I would rectify my mistakes but to no avail. Since you were the one who caused all this ruckus in my life and I hated you for that every single moment.

I was getting mad staying in one room day and night as my parents didn’t even permit me to come out of the room. That was the punishment I got for my minor mistake. 

But one day, I Romit approached me from window and gave this powder. For me it was just like elixir. I forgot my every worry under its influence. 

“Amaira, you have gone mad. This is drug. Don’t ruin your life. Think of your future.”

“Oh come on Ayesha. I know you are upset that your mother believed me instead of you. For me try it for once. There is no harm.”

When Amaira repeatedly forced Ayeshe, she tried to take a sniff and it was all.

That day when she went home she was all dizzy. Straightaway she went to her room and bolted from inside. Her mother thought she was tired and decided no to disturb her.

From that day, this became a routine. Ayesha was becoming addicted to the drug. Earlier she used to have it by bunking classes only but now she even carried the packet to her home.

This went on for few days until Samiksha checked her bag one day and was shocked to the core. That was the last straw.

She confronted Ayesha that very day and and that day was the witness of the dreading fight between mother and daughter.

Samiksha imposed strict restrictions on Ayesha. Now wherever Ayesha went, she was always spied either by Samiksha herself or by some of her hired persons. Everyone started make fun of her. The girl who was once famous amongst her peers was now a laughing stock. 

All these incidents created more and more distance between Ayesha and Samiksha. 

Ayesha had already fallen into the trap from which she wanted to come out and expecting her mother’s support.

Samiksha on the other hand was always strict with her and scolded her.

Her way of talking did not give Ayesha the confidence of relying on her mother and then that fateful day………

 Present Day

As the car stopped in front of the main gate, Samiksha recalled the memories of dropping her daughter Ayesha and how she waved her goodbye with a smile every time. 

Ah!! How I wished to relive those days! Samiksha thought.

The auditorium was echoing with thunderous applause as Samiksha came on stage.

Good Morning everyone.You all know me as Samiksha, a multi-millionare. But here I am standing as Ayesha’s mother. Ayesha was a student of this school five years ago and I want to share her story.

She was a daughter everyone could ever dream of. An all-rounder and an achiever,she was centre of attraction. The mother daughter bond we shared was divine. 

Everything was going fine until one day she completely changed. She became a drug addict and then……..I lost her to drugs. 

(Amaira, sitting in the audience recalled that fateful night and tears rolled down her eyes)

Yes, she died, not because she was on drugs but because she had no one to rely on, not even her mother.

When she needed me the most, I pushed her to the verge of depression.

When she tried to talk to me, I pushed her away from me and scolded her.

When she came to hug me and tried to find confidant in me, I pushed her at a distance by always being bossy and never giving her a chance to talk. 

I am the reason for my daughter not being here with me anymore. 

I am sorry my baby girl I am sorry

As Samiksha was speaking, her voice choked and her eyes were moist with tears. 

She continued

Today a helpless mother is standing in front you who even after owning all the riches is alone. 

Dear Parents

My only request is listen to your children even if they have done blunders. Any mistake or blunder can be rectified but a person once gone won’t return.

Try to talk to your children.Treat them like friends so that they don’t choose a wrong path searching for them. 

That’s all I wanted to say.

And she left the place as early as she could.

“Aunty I need to talk”

Samiksha turned back and saw Amaira. 

“Amaira how come you called me aunty after so many years”

“Aunty I am sorry for whatever happened. It was all my fault and every morning I wake up I feel guilty. I feel guilty for every breath I take. Please Forgive me. I want to lift this burden off my chest”.

“I had forgiven you already Amaira. You are like my daughter now.”

And Samiksha left

Way back her home she again recalled that fateful incident…..

That Fateful Day

 Oh Mom please,can you leave me alone……I don’t want to talk to you……..I am no more a little child so stop treating me like one……I am a sixteen year old grown up……Why do you just keep hounding me………Stop interfering in my life……I can very well take care of myself even without you around……I wish I was living with dad. Atleast he would have given me space I deserve.

After a while Samiksha went to check on Ayesha only to find her missing.

Panicked, she called up Amaira only to know that she was also missing.

Samiksha knew where she could find her daughter. She immediately left.

She went on the same farmhouse, from where it all began and found Ayesha, Amaira and Romit completely under the influence of drugs.

Ayesha died that day of drug overdose.

Later, Samiksha found a letter in her closet which read……

Dear Mom, 

I loved you always and will continue to do so wherever I go. I don’t know how this happened. But I really wanted to come out of it.

But Mom How I wished you at least gave me your ears once and listened to me. 

How I wished you trusted me.

How I wished you gave me the confidence that I can rely on you whenever I felt low.

How I wished you became my friend.

I didn’t even know when did we both grew distant. 

I didn’t know since when I started hated my life and wanted to die.

Oh Mom,How I wished……….

In her home, Samiksha again took out the crumpled letter and held it close to her heart.

She knew, however hard she try she can never able to pick the pieces of her shattered life together now. 

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