27th March, 8.30 am: Neena gets up, does her morning schedule, and grabs her morning tea with newspaper. Seeing her dressed in ironed cotton anarkali with accessories that match, Manjiri, her daughter-in-law comes out of the bedroom and rubs her eyes twice to confirm if it's Neena, ready and dressed up.

"Maa, you forgot? You retired yesterday! Why did you wake up early and get ready?" she asked.

She turned the page of the newspaper folded it to bring the upper half closer and said, "I remember that very well! But what do I do? I am habitual to this routine. Don't worry, you continue with yours. I don't want to bother you and change your schedule because of me." Saying that Neena continues reading the newspaper. She has two fixed columns that she enjoys reading. But that hardly requires 15 minutes. "I never thought it would be so difficult to survive after retirement. And it's the first day today. I have never felt so idle and empty in my life. I will call up Leena Didi and talk to her." Neena murmurs to herself as she picks up her phone from the charging socket. She called up her sister, but she was busy with her grandson, feeding him breakfast and sending him to school.

"Everyone has a planned day and a proper schedule. Till yesterday, I also had one. But now what?" Neena was swimming in her thoughts when her phone rang, it was Nikita, her daughter.

"Maa, all set? I am in the car parking lot, leaving for work. You also might be about to leave na?" Nikita asks.

"I wish I could", Neena murmurs, but because of the silence around it's audible to Nikita. She realizes her mistake and tries to divert the topic by saying, "Maa, we are meeting at Rama-Krishna for Saturday dinner na? I bought a beautiful pink and yellow Gadhwal silk saree for you, the one that you always wanted."

"My retirement gift? Not needed, beta. I have enough of them. Yes, we are meeting for my retirement party." responds Neena in a low tone.

"What is your plan for the day Maa?" Nikita asked innocently.

"I don't know yet, trying to figure that out," says Neena looking at the watch and it is 9.20 am only!

Nikita, who is unable to see her mother so low, thinks to visit her on her way to the office. She takes the lift, goes back home, picks up some books, and drives to Neena's place.

Doorbell rings. Neena opens the door and is surprised to see Nikita.

"We just spoke, you did not say you are coming? I would have made your favorite breakfast na?" Neena exclaims.

"I couldn't see you so low and disappointed, also as you said you do not have any plan today, I thought I would make your day busy. Got these books for you to read, two are mine and three are Vikram's. I think these would be enough for today. I will call you at night, have something important to talk about. Gotta go now. Hope these books make your day! Bye"

Nikita steps outside the house waving at Neena. "Have a nice day, bye. This girl is a storm!" Neena quickly grabs her reading glasses and starts reading the first book. The first one she picks up is, "In the Company of Women" by Grace Bonney. And having said, "Do not judge a book by its cover", Neena picks this one only looking at its cover. The day now starts moving ahead for her. She does not realize when Palash and Jiya (grandchildren) leave for school, Nachiket goes to the office. 75 pages done and she falls asleep.

"Maa, let's have lunch." Manjiri wakes her up. It's 1.30 pm.

Neena washed her face and stepped outside her room feeling much better than what she felt in the morning.

"Manjiri, I never asked you this, but what do you do the whole day? How does your time pass by?" Neena asks Manjiri after a lot of hesitation.

"Maa, in an hour's time kids will come. Till now I did the dusting, cleaning, and cooking stuff. I watch TV while having lunch and an hour after that. After the kids come, I have to serve them and look after their studies. By 5-5.30 pm, I go down with them, they play and I meet my friends. A little chit-chat here or there, we come back in an hour. And then... Wait Maa, why are you asking that today?" Manjiri asks her out of curiosity as she folds the roti to be served on the plate.

"I am finding it extremely difficult to pass the time. I wish Pradeep was here, if nothing else, I would have killed my time laughing at his silly jokes all day. Such a traitor left me alone", grumpy Neens utters.

Manjiri is seen smiling ear to ear. She senses Neena is missing a companion, friendships, and above all, people of her age to talk to or share things with. She picks up her phone and drops a message to Nikita.

Nikita replies, "Yes, I know. I have something in mind and I will share it with you and Vikram. In a meeting, text you later."

"Let's eat ma," says Manjiri to break Neena's train of thought.

"Yes. Let us eat," responds Neena who is still in deep thought.

Neena gets back to reading after lunch in her room. While the book is engaging and motivating, Neena is more worried about how her coming days will be. Page after page, the guilt of not having any retirement plan deepens. The day passes by, she has her dinner.

Nikita calls her, "Ma, had your dinner?"

"Yes," she responds in a very pale tone indicating she is not in the mood to talk.

"Ok. What is your bucket list Maa? Anything that you wanted to do but because of work, family, raising us you could not experience?" asks Nikita, hinting at planning a schedule for her.

"I wanted to learn swimming and driving, but now that is out of the question. I am 60 now, so there is no use in perceiving those hobbies." declares Neena in an assertive tone.

"Hobbies are not always perceived considering their use. You did not perceive them previously because you did not have time, but now you do have time. You are a dashing woman Maa, age is just a number for you. Also, the goal now is not to ace it, but to learn it and spend time doing it, right?" explains Nikita.

Neena thinks along those lines and asks, "But won't it be awkward to attend swimming classes?"

"First thing Maa, you are going there for yourself and I am sure others will only envy seeing a woman in 60's perceiving her passion!" Nikita exclaims.

She pauses and asks, "Did you start reading the books?"

Neena smiles and says, "Yes. What else would I do today? I think you must be tired, have some rest."

"Yeah, it was a tiring day! I will come tomorrow morning, let us go and check for swimming instructors around. Goodnight Maa." with that last statement Nikita dozes off!

The next morning Nikita comes and sees both Neena and Manjiri ready to step out with her. First, she thinks, to minimize the awkwardness Neena asked Manjiri to accompany her. But later she learns, that even Manjiri wanted to learn to swim. And then she felt, "I don't know how many dreams are buried under motherhood and the pressure of being a good mother. Should I even think of having a child?"

They find a good instructor and a hygienic pool in their vicinity. The time that works for both of them is 6-7 am. They do the formalities with an assurance to start attending the next day and take their instructor's leave. With swimming class, books, and a little bit of help with domestic chores, Neena's week looks good. It's Saturday, and for the retirement dinner party, Neena chooses to wear an indigo print linen saree paired with a nice blouse. She makes her signature hair bun and tucks in 3 red roses. With a little kohl and nude lipstick, Neena steps outside her room only to be showered with compliments. The cake cutting happens at home and dinner at the hotel. Everyone at the dinner table was talking about Neena and praising her as the starters arrived. The dinner turned out to be a close family affair with 10 people apart from the family. Everyone liked the dinner and they shared the presents they got for Neena. At the last, Vikram and Nikita handed her an envelope. She casually took it and added it to the pile of gifts. After reaching home, as she opened the gifts one by one, the envelope given by Vikram and Nikita contained tickets to Rishikesh. When Neena looked at it carefully again, all the bookings were only for one passenger. This thought left Neena perplexed. She knew solo trips and all, but she never imagined herself going on one!

She calls Vikram, "You guys booked this for me? How can I go alone? This retirement is only getting worse. I will go and check with my department if I can join as a visitor for the next few years. Why do you guys are behind me, trying to plan things for me? I don't want it, I am sane enough to decide for myself."

"Ssssshhhh... Maa calm. Sit, have water. Please calm down. You are not alone, you will be traveling with a group. Nilesh, who is heading this tour is our, Nikita's good friend. We have informed him of everything. And if there is any problem, we can book you on the next available flight and you will be back home. This will be one of its one-of-a-kind experiences Maa. I would say you should not miss it. If you still want time, think about it, we can cancel the bookings." Vikram leaves with that.

It's Sunday morning and Neena woke up late as she kept thinking about the solo trip till late last night. She finds Manjiri and Nikita making piping hot aloo paranthas for breakfast. The table is set, kids are having their breakfast already. Vikram also walks towards the dining table with the newspaper in hand.  

Nikita holds Neena's hand in hers, and says, "Maa, we thought you would like it so we planned this surprise, if you don't want to go for it, there is no pressure, we can cancel the bookings."

"It felt like a burden when you, my children, did something for me. But I thought about it and I will take this solo trip," Neena quietly confessed her feelings. "Yaay! You are a super mumma! So now have this paratha quickly, because after that we are going shopping," announces Nikita.

"Wait, what? No way. It's your generation that does all this. I have enough clothes. I don't want to buy specifically for this trip" shares Neena.

"So you mean you will wear kurtas and sarees when you go hiking and adventure sports? Maa, I am not asking you, I am saying, WE ARE GOING SHOPPING," Nikita says in a stern voice.

They buy some good, trendy clothes for Neena from their outing. Also comfortable shoes for the hike. The packing starts and they all go to drop Neena at the railway station to introduce her to the tour in charge, Nilesh.

Nilesh paired her with a chirpy young girl named Julia. As the journey progressed, she gets to know Julia more and Julia reminds Neena of her school friend, Janaki. During the school days, one of their friends intentionally created misunderstandings between both of them, because of which Neena and Janaki stopped talking to each other. When Neena met Janaki after 8 years, she was going through chemotherapy. Neena felt guilty for holding her grudge for so long and apologized to Janaki. From that time, Neena made sure she called up Janaki every month or sometimes more because she did not want to lose a friend like her. The next morning, after reaching Rishikesh and checking into the hotel, the first thing she did was call Janaki and speak to her for 2 hours and 40 minutes, reminiscing the old memories.

Neena freshened up and walked towards the breakfast table as advised by Nilesh. There she encountered a young, geek - Rishi. Rishi was physically a part of the tour, but otherwise, he had a world of his own. Man of few words, Rishi is occasionally involved in the fun, discussions, and activities; But otherwise, he would be found reading about gadgets or fidgeting with them! Neena found Rishi so similar to Sumit, her college crush. The only reason things could not work out between the two was Sumit being in his world and being disconnected from the people around him. He did not pay attention to the hints Neena tried giving him and that used to leave Neena frustrated always. After her college, she only had anger to be expressed for Sumit. But meeting Rishi helped her realize, that people like him do exist, and making a relationship with them requires extra patience. With a smile, she let go of all the grudge she had for Sumit.

Neena could gel well with the group, the kind of person she is, welcoming, warm, approachable, and non-judgemental. She had been observing another girl named Shreya who had her nose in books always. On the third day of the tour, Neena got a chance to speak to her as she waited for the bonfire and Antakshari post-dinner. Shreya turned out to be a total Bollywood buff as she was seen enjoying the music and even made an attempt to shake her leg on a couple of them.

"So good to see this avatar of yours. What are you perceiving beta?", Neena asked her finally. "I am in my second year of MBBS Aunty", replied Shreya with a smile. "Wow! You know, you remind me of Naina from Yeh Jawani Hain Deewani! I hope you don't mind me saying that", Neena gives her a friendly pat on her shoulder as she says that. Shreya laughs out loud and replies, "Oh, not at all Aunty. Rishi just said the same to me a few minutes back."

A little bit of chit-chat with everyone and then the tour coordinator announced sleep time reminding them of river rafting which was scheduled for the next day. Neena headed with a bouquet of thoughts in her head waiting to spread their aroma.

More than her work, Neena used to miss her colleagues. She always treated them more than colleagues. Netra, Vani, and Mitali were three moms she met on the trip. They left their families behind to have the time of their lives. Seeing them enjoy themselves made Neena feel, why didn't she plan anything like that with her colleagues? She immediately went to her room and pulled out the limited edition customized leather diary gifted by her colleagues on retirement from her bag. She wanted to document all the feelings that she felt, like a witness to a huge transformation. From that day, Neena started writing down her experience, every night. And on her return, she was a less guilty and more happy person!

"Do we all love the same person with the same intensity? Every time? I feel silly when I recollect a 14-year-old me holding grudges against her best friend, how immature is that? And the most knowledgeable boy in the college was a fool in my perception, only because he was an introvert? Why didn't I accept him for who he was, rather than trying to make a different person, of my imagination, out of him? And my colleagues, in a quest to be abundant to our families, we never enjoyed. Why does spending time/ money on myself still make me feel guilty?

At every stage, I did the best a person of my age would do. Why are all these lessons striking my intellect after the incidents have already happened?

Probably, love is not the same at all stages and ages of life, and that's why love is full. Making mistakes is human, but repeating them is foolish.

To Do: When I go back, I am going to hug my kids tight. Instead of thinking and planning what to do next, now I will live life as it comes. "

Read the first page of her diary!

After returning from the trip, the family noticed Neena's secret dairy. She did not intend to keep it secret, but she was not comfortable sharing it either. After all, they were her raw feelings, she did not wish to be judged based on that. Nikita managed to read a few pages of the same and convinced Neena to get it published in the form of memoirs. The launch of the book happened at the same college where Neena served as a professor for 28 years. "My book "On My Own - Tales of Solo Travel" is a blessing in disguise, I never knew I could write," Neena said with a beaming smile.