Surprise Visit

Surprise Visit

He looked at the wallpaper displayed on his phone. Her petite body with that tender face made her appear like a doll. Her silky brown hair falling on his chest suddenly made him feel desperate. The Eiffel tower behind them in the picture reminded him of their dream honeymoon. She had always adored classy things. She would never settle for less. He had always been determined to fulfill her every wish. At any cost.

Lost in thought, he reached home. It was their newly-bought penthouse in the suburbs.

The front door was half open. She has always been a careless one.

“Aisha, I am home. Sweetheart, why do you always leave the door open?”

Sourabh headed towards the bedroom.

Aisha was not there. Eager to embrace her, he went to the kitchen.

She wasn’t there. His eyes fell upon the note stuck on the fridge door. Aisha loved this mushy romance till date.

“Honey, come soon. There’s a surprise for you in the garage.” Her lips imprinted on the note with the crimson lipstick seemed inviting.

Inside, the colourful tiny bulbs gleamed alternately. He could make out the glasshour figure of Aisha sitting on a chair.

“Baby, what is this all about?” Aisha didn’t reply. She was sitting still.

His smile started to fade as he approached the chair. He stood there, frozen.

Aisha was staring at him with her eyes wide. She was jagged with ropes. Her mouth was taped. She was nodding her head furiously and gesturing her eyes to say something.

“Oh my God! What the hell is happening?” Sourabh kneeled to untie her.

“Stay still or she dies first!” That voice was familiar.

A short, stout man wearing a red green costume with a conical cap on his head appeared from nowhere. The tinkering bells on the cap produced a sweet sound.

“Jaidev, is that you?” Sourabh was stammering.

“Yes my love birds. You made a joker out of me. But now I am back. Like the Phoenix.”

“What do you want now? Take whatever you want. Please leave Aisha.” Sourabh was pleading.

“Yes. Let’s, leave my ex-wife here for a while. We have some business to settle.”

In the living room, Sourabh transferred all the money in one click. The money, which they had conned from Jaidev.

The orphan, who built his Multimillion Empire from scratch had turned pauper thanks to Sourabh’s cyber skills and Aisha’s lust for riches. She knew all his bank accounts, passwords, and business secrets. Sourabh had fallen for her jaw-dropping looks and sultry initiatives. They were partners in crime, in bed, and now in death.

Jaidev left them at peace in midst of the flames erupting from their penthouse.

Next day, two different headlines flashed –

“Millionaire couple’s penthouse in the suburbs gets scorched. No survivors.”

“Anonymous donation of 50 million dollars made towards  City Orphan House.”

He was travelling with the caravan. He had hidden his secret under the mask of the Joker.

The joker, who had avenged.


Bhavna Gajbe
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3 thoughts on “Surprise Visit

  1. This is a lovely suspense story.I never could have guessed the ending.And it has a ‘ alls well that’ ends well ‘kind of feeling too.The prompt was used perfectly .

  2. Though the use of cyber hacking idea to commit a crime is not novel, it is still quite creative. The writer seems to be quite fond of delivering a twist/ thrill in their stories and that’s a good inclusion. However, the exposition in the first two paragraphs could have been made concise, leaving room for the rising action in the middle. The first paragraph does not help much in making the whole story strong and creating an elaborate characterisation. To show his wife’s love for classy things, the writer could have used that paragraph in describing how she looked in the photograph (what kind of jewellery and clothes she wore, etc.) Then, Jaidev’s introduction is quite sudden and lacks drama. While bringing another character into the story, especially someone who would play an important role in it, give the readers a small hint about them in the beginning. Maybe, Sourabh was seen reading a newspaper with a headline about someone’s bank account got hacked or perhaps there was a newspaper on the table with the same headline… something like this just to keep the readers thrilled (like asking “what is the relevance of that headline in the story”?) That would have created more thrill. Nevertheless, the story begs to be converted into a full-length short story (1500+-3500 words) and that would be such a smacker. Great attempt.

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