As the train chugged on, I let the cool breeze caress the stray strands of hair that had escaped the bun that I had bundled up in a hurry.

My thoughts flew back to the past. 

“Anaya, you need to work hard and join a good engineering college. Then, your future will be set.” She repeated the same set of words like a stuck record day in and day out.

She had entered our lives when Mumma passed away after a prolonged illness. I was only ten then. Papa transformed overnight. He echoed her words and nodded to whatever she opined. 

She was neither rude nor did she hurt my feelings, except for the fact that she was keen on me excelling in academics. She didn’t fit into Mumma’s shoes, but ensured our lives moved smoothly. 

I was not academically inclined and nursed a dream of being an actor.  I tried speaking to Papa but to no avail. “You can do what you want, but after an engineering degree,” he asserted, without looking up from the newspaper. If only he had caught a glimpse of how my eyebrows had furrowed and how a thin film of tears had clouded my eyes. “He doesn’t care about me anymore,” I sobbed.

One night, when the house slept, I quietly slipped away. With my boyfriend, Ruhaan’s help, I boarded a train to Goa. 

Ruhaan helped me get a part-time job as a bartender. During the day, I attended acting school. After settling down at the working women’s hostel, I poured my heart out to Papa. He was old-school and still preferred letters to WhatsApp texts.

His reply never came. I missed him dearly. 

“Papa, I love you. Once I stand on my own feet, I will come back, I promise,” I wept, staring at his picture, which I carried in my purse.

The time I spent with Ruhaan during weekends was my only solace. Ruhaan was my classmate at college. After completing his 12th grade, he pursued a degree in Hotel Management in Goa. 

A year had passed. I had started acting in local plays and won accolades for my acting. It was during one of the rehearsals of a play that a director happened to take notice of me. He gave me a small role in his upcoming movie. My joy knew no bounds.

“I knew you would make it, Anaya. I am so proud of you. You should share this with your father,” Ruhaan babbled in excitement. 

“No, Ruhaan. The time has not come yet. I want him to be proud of me. I will not go home until then,” I mumbled, placing my head on his broad shoulders.

The shoot for the film was almost over when I received a registered post. No, it was not from Papa. It was from her.

Reading the contents of the letter, I collapsed. Papa was suffering from the last stages of fatty liver, and he had refused further treatment. She had also attached a copy of the living will Papa had filled out after I had left home. He didn’t want all his savings wasted on his treatment. He wanted me to use it to secure my future. She had attached a small note saying she wanted to see me well-settled in life, and hence she was keen that I excelled in my studies. The shroud of misunderstanding that had clouded my mind instantly cleared. Tears rolled down my eyes.

I boarded the next train to Mumbai. Throughout the journey, I read and re-read the living will Papa had filed. I underlined every word of her note till I had almost memorized it.

The loud chatter of the hawkers broke my chain of thought.

I stared blankly out of the window. Would things have been different if I had not left home? Could I convince Papa to continue his treatment?

An avalanche of thoughts descended on my mind like a swarm of bees sticking to its hive.

By the time I reached home, it was too late. Papa had joined Mumma, leaving me all alone in this world.

I saw her wailing her heart out in front of Papa’s body. On spotting me, she ran towards me like a woman possessed. She wrapped her arms around me and sobbed. “I am sorry,” she gasped.

“Now I know how much you care for me, please forgive me, Mumma,” I hugged her as tears wetted her saree.