It is a miracle I am alive this morning. I must have not only died yesterday but also should have been in the news today. You are wondering why, aren’t you? That is because the notorious serial killer and former cannibal Pax Punter paid me a visit last night. When he came to know that I was a journalist, he decided to let me live on the condition that I interviewed him. So there I was chatting away with Pax as though it was an ordinary everyday conversation.
Me: Why do you kill people? (This question is probably on everyone’s mind.)
Pax: I don’t. People are already killing themselves. I just hasten their death. (He laughs.)
Me: That is kind of deep. They say you used to eat people before but just kill them these days. What changed?
Pax: They just don’t taste as good as before. People are too fat these days, you know! (He laughs again.) And seriously, the meat is just not healthy anymore. (He pauses for a while.) It is often said that one must eat garlic to make vampires avoid you. I don’t know about that, but I am sure if you want to avoid cannibals like me you better get as fat as you can get. (There is a big smile on his face. It is quite charming,)
Me: (Laughs.) That is funny advice. I wonder why don’t you eat the thin victims either?
Pax: Their flesh is hard. Also, I am getting older. My teeth are not as strong as they used to be. I finally gave up after I lost my right upper canine a few years ago, trying to tear into one of my victims. I am terrified of losing more teeth, makes me worry my smile won’t be charming anymore. (He smiles. I notice that his canine tooth is really missing.)
Me: Do you plan to retire?
Pax: No! The killing did not come naturally to me, unlike many people you may know. It took a lot of practice before I mastered the art of slaughter. I am not going to throw it all away, now that I have reached the pinnacle of perfection. Ha! (His face beams with triumph.)
Me: Don’t you feel guilty living like this?
Pax: Where is the guilt when there is no sin? Like I said before, I only do swiftly what people do to themselves slowly. (His face almost glowed with innocence.)
Me: And last, but not the least, what would be your parting advice to our readers?
Pax: Do yourself a favor tonight. Do away with yourself before I do it for you! (He laughs loud and long, and the echoes reverberate through the darkness.)
It was already midnight. Pax got up from his chair and we shook hands. He told me to make sure that the world knows his answers to my questions. That it was my payment for being spared. Then he was gone.
Outside the night was leisurely passing by.
For more of such content follow us on Social Media: