What Was Wrong With Me

“Rashmi, get ready. I got free from the office. Let’s go for your favorite movie. The next show timing is 6.40 pm so just hurry up,” said an excited Raghav.  Unlike previous such occasions, I weren’t excited. Since I couldn’t refuse, I accompanied my family to the theatre. No doubt, the film was good, the popcorns were also piping hot and tasty, yet I didn’t relish my outing.  Obviously, my behavior irked him.

“Mumma, come here. We are playing Ludo so join us. Half hearted, I played the game but couldn’t enjoy the fun the way they did. ”Something was still troubling me; some thoughts were befuddling me!

“Rashu dear, did you see the ad in the newspaper? There is a big sale Mela going in the Tiffany Mall. Let’s go and burn our pockets,” giggled Shweta. How could I say no to shopping; I simply loved it. “May be this hangout would change my mood and infuse some positivity,” I thought. 

At Mall, I spent and shopped to my heart’s content. After all, shopping and spending is the best way of relaxation for a female! I felt happy; I felt better. But, how long did I?

Oh Jesus! In an hour or so, I was the same gloomy and sad Rashmi.

“Shall I talk to Raghav or shall I confide in Shweta? What if I tell them that I am not feeling good these days? They may laugh at me because I don’t know any reason for my sadness,” an introvert me had quashed all possible chances of discussing her problems. 

“Rashmi, I have to go for a meeting, I may come late. Don’t wait for dinner,” Raghav’s words shattered me. But why did I feel bad? Even when he was around, I hardly spoke to him or felt great; his company didn’t please me off late.  That evening, I didn’t feel like doing my favorite chore; cooking so we ordered on zomato. I don’t remember when I slept; my eyes had got tired and exhausted weeping so maybe I slept due to exhaustion!

“Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” the voice was enough to interrupt my slumber. I rubbed my eyes to see the source of voice, OMG! I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was me! I never knew I had a doppelganger. Anticipating my thoughts, the other Rashmi laughed. 

“Surprised to see me? Madam, I am nothing but you only, the only difference is that I am your happy self. I know you are struggling to find me but haven’t yet. (She continued after a pause) we are just inches apart; you just need to open up with someone you feel comfortable with. Depression is not something we shall be ashamed of! Just talk to someone, may be a psychiatrist also and just get me back.”  The reflection had disappeared.

Next morning I wasn’t sure whether it was my imagination or a dream but I decided to call Shweta.

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Pooja Gupta

Pooja Gupta is a clinical microbiologist by profession based in Bathinda, Punjab. Her encounter with the pen is a recent one and since then she became completely addicted to it.

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