Why Children Hide Failures

Why Children Hide Failures

We all say and read  and hear that failure is the stepping stone to success but practically how many of us would agree with this in real life especially when children fail to perform well in examinations or fail to get a good job! As we are bent on educating children there is a steady fall in good job opportunities everywhere thus average candidates fail to get a good job. Are they to be blamed? Partially yes, we can not blame them 100% as competition is on an increase and candidates comparatively lack required skills. For simple vacancies also post graduates applications can be seen easily then how good salary would be offered?

Am imparting Communication & Personality Development skills so in my classes get many a candidates who even fail to read accurately and comprehend whatever is asked to them in the interview. generally students just pass somehow by mugging the lessons and scoring is given preference but once out of the rat race they are  expected to show brilliance, instead nervousness dominates their whole personality. If the candidate is in jitters how can he or she respond in a positive manner to be selected for the respective job? I train first in loud reading, then listening, speaking and lastly writing so the candidates are confident enough to clear any type of tests.

Mostly for IELTS candidates are expected to excel in listening, reading, writing and speaking, in other sectors “only communication knowledge is enough” concept is drilled in minds. How a candidate can communicate without good reading habit? How a candidate can gain positive attitudes and confidence without sound knowledge of any language? Why like a computer course people expect to learn a language within just 3 months, is it practically possible? Frankly speaking to learn any language well a dedication towards gaining knowledge is a must and the learner must have self interest. I get many candidates who ask to improve their communication skills within 15 days!! I just can not accept any such request , keeping my reputation at stake!  I refuse such requests without a second thought.

Why do we become so very blind towards improving our own skills. Skill means intellectual involvement. I would love to mention my own experience here.  When after marriage I shifted to south I found Tamil quite a boring language and dreaded even the thought to learn. While travelling I had no option than to ask the destination point of the buses but a sense of awkwardness was always in my mind. One day I decided to learn Tamil at least to gain the ability to read the bus name boards to avoid the mocking expressions.       

Surprisingly when after finishing my household chores I sat to read the primary books of my kids I was quite comfortable in learning on my own. First, the basic letters and then the words and gradually sentences. The accuracy in pronunciation posed certain challenges for me but I found a solution. In leisure time I used to read loud the story books when alone so that none made fun of  me. At that time I was working in school as a teacher so utilizing my students company I clarified my doubts and continued my voyage of learning through books. I gained confidence in about 3 months yet some words always confused me. I made a list of such words and studied with great care to make myself efficient. Listening to news helped me a lot in improving pronunciation which had a north slang. With patience and practice I gained enough confidence in reading, writing and speaking within one year. Now my lecturer friends laugh saying they are not this much thorough with the proverbs and that too on the perfect occasions.

Nothing is impossible if sincerity and genuine efforts applied! while taking classes I found it difficult to tell the accurate meanings and for that  I had no option than referring the dictionaries. In this procedure I learned good Tamil and also gained confidence to use the words. Now am so well versed that I need not refer any dictionary.     

Train children to share their experiences with you be it bad or good. If this practice is followed not a single child would go in wrong direction due to his or her failures in life. College students hide their arrears from parents due to our high expectations and their insufficient sincere efforts. Why not bring children little closer so that they feel like getting all the guidance and sharing with parents? Once crossed 18 yrs boys are seen little not so close to home but at heart long for the closeness and sharing. So many have confided in me and left me surprised at their outer and inner conflicts which they conceal so efficiently!

Failures teach us many a things which nothing else would convey so strongly. A candidate failed in an interview and was upset over it. After the classes were over I asked him what’s the result and he pulled a long face and told he was rejected. On his face I could see the turmoil and agony clearly. I just told casually,” hey do you know a thing?” , to this he asked, “what?” “Every candidate must get rejection 5 times. First time he learns to see negative response, second time he takes rejection easily and thinks what’s the thing he lacks. Third time he is more sincere in his efforts to present himself or herself positively. fourth time he or she wants to know the reason the others were selected for. Fifth time without any doubt sure selection.”

The next time he came after interview his face was not that much sad, he told casually, “as usual ma’am”. Failures must not be taken to heart as bring dangerous results. So many children suicide just before the results every year. Deep down they lack the ability to accept failures practically.

My son who was barely 5 at that time, we were travelling by a small scooter. Next to us someone crossed with speed to which my son reacted,”ma this is the worst vehicle, we are behind that person”. His words though nothing serious made me think deep. I used to explain everything to him while going to bed being close to me he used to hear and ask many a questions. I could shape him into a young man gradually who is now mature, understanding and very loving and caring person. Every parent need train children practically. In so many suicide cases children are innocent and loose life in impulse just not able to accept failures easily as part of life.

I hope we could have counselling sessions in school to handle the growing age children’s problem in positive manner. 

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Neelima Thakur
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