Echoes Retraced

Shilpa Keshav posted under Stumble on 2024-09-27



Virat tapped his feet restlessly on the marble tiles. His knees bounced up and down trying to release the pent-up energy. He rubbed his sweaty palms as his eyes darted around the room. The clock struck 10. He slouched on the chair feeling the weight of his agony on his back. Retrieving the mobile from his pocket, he began to scroll mindlessly. He kept it back and fidgeted with his ring.

A soothing music played in the background. Scent of lavender wafted across the room. The receptionist smiled warmly at him. He looked away.

“It’s so hot. Please put on the AC,” he demanded.

“It’s already on, sir,” she pointed towards the AC that displayed 21. “Doctor is calling. You may please go in.”

Virat stepped in anxiously. The name plate read Dr. Trupthi Desai. She was one of the best psychologists in the city, his mom had said.

“Come in, Virat. Please have a seat.”

A middle-aged woman with a bob cut hair flaunting silvery strands smiled at him. He could see her smile reaching her eyes behind the frameless spectacles.

“Would you like to have some water?”

Virat shook his head and looked around. White noise played in the background. Sunlight peeped in through the large window that brightened the room. The walls were a shade of pastel green.

His eyes watered.

“Shall I pull the blinds? Is it too bright?” She asked.

“Yes.” He avoided looking at her.

There weren’t any tables or chairs in the room. He sat on a reclining three-seater sofa while she sat beside on a single chair sofa.

“How long have you not been sleeping?” She asked in a comforting tone.

“Did mom tell you this?”

“No. Your dark circles did.”

Virat sighed. “Frankly speaking, I’ve lost count.”

“What about hunger?”

“I’m never hungry throughout the day. But at midnight, I feel a pang of uncontrollable hunger. And I hog like a monster.” He shook his leg continuously.

“Do you meet your friends?”

“Nobody is talking to me,” he stared at the empty wall behind her. “Why is that wall empty?”

“I’m preparing a special frame to be hung there,” she smiled. “You’ll get to know soon.”

She placed her palm on his restless knee. “Relax.”

“Could you switch off the white noise? It’s irritating.”

Trupthi promptly obeyed.

“So, am I a patient now? Will you give me medicines to make me less mad?”

She frowned. “Who said you’re a patient? I don’t see any madness in you. So, medicines are out of question.”

“Then why am I here? Mom is just…”

“Relax, Virat. I’m here to listen to you.”

“Listen? Nobody did that ever. EVER.”

“That’s the reason I’m here. I love listening to people. Not to judge or advise. Just hear them out. That’s my passion. Like painting is to you.”

“Did mom tell…”

“No. It’s mentioned in the form that you had filled, remember?” She paused. “Can we walk into your childhood? How was it?”

Virat leaned back. “I was an adopted child. Mom and dad used to visit our orphanage in Gurgaon very often. Dad being a rich businessman donated generously there. They used to celebrate Vicky, their elder son’s birthday with us.” He paused briefly. “Once, I drew their family portrait. Mom loved it. After that, she used to meet me very often and gift me colors, books and brushes. She loved spending time with me. Soon, dad had to relocate to Mumbai. But a month after they shifted, they were back. Mom desired to adopt me. I was just 8.”

“Were you happy?”

“Of course. I liked her. Moreover, kids were adopted often from our orphanage. Each child would look on with anticipation whenever a couple would visit. They considered me to be lucky to have rich parents,” Virat smiled wryly.

“How was your life thereafter?”

“It wasn’t fun as expected,” his face fell. “Every now and then I ended up in trouble. My parents were fed up actually.”

Trupthi didn’t push him to explain.

“Our house was huge. I had a room of my own. A cupboard, a large bed, study table and a balcony that overlooked our beautiful garden. One day, Vicky and I were playing football in my room. I was busy bouncing the ball on the wall and failed to notice the adjacent glass shelf fall at me. The whole room was scattered with pieces of glass. My body was pierced with shreds of glass too. And this happened.” Virat flashed his right pinky finger that was cut in half. “I cried. Not because I was in pain. How would I draw? That was my passion.”

He paused to sip water.

“Mom gave me strength. She encouraged me to use my left hand. I failed many times, but she never gave up on me. She’s always been my pillar of strength.” His face beamed as he spoke about her.

“What about Vicky and your father?”

“Vicky loved me too. He was 7 years elder to me, but he was my buddy. I discussed everything with him. Dad was a busy man. But whenever he was home, he devoted his time to us. But I lost his trust soon. At school, I didn’t have many friends. I was nicknamed as ‘the adopted puppy’. Some sympathized with me, while others derided. Once, a teacher retrieved some porn magazines from my bag. The Principal summoned dad. He was furious. I tried to explain that it didn’t belong to me. But nobody listened. Dad slapped me that day.” He cupped his left cheek. “It must have been my classmates who hated me. Mom trusted me. But dad…” he shook his head dismally.

“I was shaken by these incidents. So much so that I began bedwetting. That made me further embarrassed. But mom was compassionate. She’d sleep with me. Her presence relaxed me. I’d sleep like a baby. And the bedwetting ceased. But I was unfortunate. I lost her trust too.”

“Why? What happened?”

“I had this nasty habit of playing with lit candles. I’d create designs on the floor with the wax drops. Mom had warned me against it, but still, I’d do it behind closed doors. One such wretched night, I guess I had forgotten to blow the candle off. Mom was sleeping on my bed that night. I had shut myself in the balcony, listening to songs on my headphone. I wonder after how many bangings at the door did I open it. My room was on fire. Panic-stricken, I searched for mom. Luckily, she was safe with few burn marks.”

“What was her reaction after that?”

“She never scolded me. Though I wished she would. She was more recluse. She kept her distance from me. She never slept with me. As if she were terrified that I’d harm her. Our extended family and neighbors advised my parents to return me back to the orphanage. As if I were a parcel,” he smirked. “I guess you should paint that empty wall. It looks dull, like me.”

Trupthi smiled. “Who said you’re dull? I feel you’re colorful. Like a rainbow. When did you first fall in love?”

“First year of my engineering college,” he stared at the ceiling. “Roshni was her name. Her smile was as radiant as that tubelight.” He pointed upwards. “The classroom would be lit by her presence. Many boys pursued her. But she loved me. Oh, boy! You should have seen the jealous look at those boys’ face. We’d spend time together at the library, canteen and lobby. Away from prying eyes. I felt I had found purpose in my life. But this was short lived too.”

“Why?”

“I’m an unfortunate fellow. Didn’t I tell you before?” He snapped. “Roshni started to ignore me all of a sudden. When I confronted her, she said she had never met a cheap guy like me. Cheap! Another adjective to my name. It was much later that I cognized the truth. Someone had mailed her my picture with a girl in compromising position. I was shocked to see the photo. Someone had morphed my photo with a naked woman. Roshni too didn’t believe me. Didn’t I tell you that nobody ever listened to me? I was shattered. I cried the whole night. Vicky consoled me. He too didn’t sleep that night. My parents were too ashamed of me. They couldn’t discard me. So, they put me in a hostel.”

“When did you meet Swapna?” Trupthi looked straight into his eyes.

Virat shifted from his place. Color drained from his face. His breath got shorter and deeper. He licked his chapped lips.

“Why is this place so cold?” He looked around.

“But you’re sweating, Virat.”

He wiped beads of sweat from his forehead. Blinking his eyes rapidly, he gulped the entire bottle of water. Trupthi didn’t rush. She knew it was a sensitive matter. And that was the main reason behind his presence there.

“It’s ok if you’re not comfortable talking about her…”

“Swapna was like a dream come true,” Virat leaned back and shut his eyes. “She lived two blocks away from my house. She worked with Vicky in an IT firm. I met her during their office party. And it was love at first sight. I had just started to work in a bank. She was a true example of beauty with brains. We clicked instantly. As if we were two lost souls who were born to complete each other.”

Virat’s smile reached his eyes for the first time during the session. He was re-living the past.

“Mom and dad were happy for me. They knew Swapna’s parents. Soon, we were engaged.” He flashed his ring. “I wished Vicky to get married first. But he was still in search of his soulmate. He had a heartbreak and was still recuperating. He gave a green signal for us to proceed. I was on cloud nine. Finding true love and getting to live the rest of your life with them is a dream for many. And I was about to live that dream. But do dreams ever come true? Aren’t they supposed to break?”

Virat sighed. “I wished this dream wouldn’t end. But that happens only in movies, right?”

He banged his hand on the sofa. Striding around the room, he cracked his knuckles.

“One day, she came across my morphed picture. This time there were videos too. She was furious. I tried to reason with her. But she refused to trust me. We had a huge argument. She said she needed time to re-think her decision of marriage. I was devastated. I couldn’t withstand another rejection. I blasted at her. Called her selfish and witch and what not! And I stormed out saying I’d never want to see her face again. I never knew those words would turn true.”

He paused. And then he cried. Tears streamed down his eyes incessantly. His nose turned beet red as the mucus amalgamated with tears and saliva dripped down his cheeks into his palm that cupped his face. He wailed his hearts out like a baby. Trupthi placed her hand on his shoulder that rhythmically shook with broken breaths. She was relieved. All the pent-up frustration was finally out.

“Why did I leave?” He spoke in between sobs. “Why did I give up so easily? I was too angry to notice how heartbroken she was that night. Her dejection led her to end her life.”

He glanced up at Trupthi.

“She committed suicide because of me.”

He hugged her waist and sobbed. “How can I ever forgive myself? I too deserve to die. I tried many times. But failed miserably. I’m such a goddamn loser.”

“Virat, I understand what you’re going through,” she said after a brief pause. “But believe me, Swapna’s soul would be in pain to see you suffer like this.”

Virat peered at her.

“She loved you, Virat. In the spur of the moment, she may have taken a drastic step, but she’d never hate you. Live for her, relish her memories. It’s been six months since she passed away. Her soul’s watching you, Virat.”

“Why can’t I see then?”

Trupthi smiled. “You’re too busy punishing yourself. Stop lamenting and start living. You’ll feel her presence.” She paused. “I won’t prescribe any medicine, Virat. But the first step to your new lease of life would be to sleep well.”

She jotted down some pills in her prescription pad.

“Take them at night. A good sleep helps a jittery mind to relax. I’d like to see you 3 days later.”

Virat bought the sleeping pills from the pharmacy and walked home. He took the prescribed number of pills. But sleep eluded him. He took a couple more. After a while, his restless mind pushed him out of the house.

He ambled barefoot on the barren street. Streetlights flickered. Some dogs barked at a distance. The night sky crammed with stars. Virat was startled. On other nights, spotting even a single star was a herculean task. He joined the stars with his fingers and stood mesmerized. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Swapna’s smiling face looked at him from the sky. He rubbed his eyes and followed the stars. She floated away with the cottony cloud. He ran to ‘catch’ her. He could hear her giggle. He didn’t realize how far he ran. Suddenly, he stumbled on a rock and a piece of metal pricked on his feet. Wincing in pain, he took a closer look at the shining metal. It was a gold ring. He looked flabbergasted. It was Swapna’s engagement ring. Suddenly, his head began to spin. Were the pills affecting him? He wasn’t sure. He doddered ahead trying to keep his eyes open till he hit a door. He squinted at the wooden green door in the middle of the road. It resembled the door of his orphanage. Yes, it indeed was the same.

How the hell did I reach Gurgaon?

He curiously pushed open the door. The bright sunlight almost blinded him as he shielded his eyes behind his forearm.

Wasn’t it night outside?

“Viraaaat…” a boy called. “You lucky rascal. Your favorite aunty is adopting you. Matron madam is calling.”

He stood gaping at his younger self hopping excitedly ahead of him. He rubbed his eyes and pinched his hand.

Ouch!

He followed him to the office. Mom and dad happily carried his bags and left with him in their car.

What’s happening? Am I drunk? No. Am I dreaming? I better not pinch again.

He saw a brown door this time. It was his new home. Taking a deep breath, he opened it.

“Why did you bring that little imp home?” 15-year-old Vicky protested. “Wasn’t I enough for you that you brought home an orphan?”

Virat’s face fell.

Did he hate me then? Perhaps he was uncomfortable at the beginning. He was my buddy, after all.

“Beta, Virat is a sensible boy. I’m sure you’ll be a good brother to him. He’s a good artist. Perhaps you can learn from him,” mom chuckled.

“Huh! You’ve already started to compare him with me?” He stomped away.

“Don’t worry. They’ll mingle well soon,” dad comforted.

Virat walked upstairs to his room. He heard Vicky complaining again.

“You gave my room to him. Why?”

“Beta, he’s new. It’d be better if he gets the bigger room. It will help him settle faster.”

“All you care about is his well being. I don’t mean anything to you?”

O dear! He was upset. I wasn’t aware at all.

He saw his younger self playing football with Vicky.

What’s Vicky doing? Is he pushing the glass shelf towards me?

The next moment young Virat cried in pain with his cut finger, as Vicky smirked in a corner. As soon as his parents rushed, Vicky pretended to cry.

What the hell is happening?

The scene changed like an Instagram reel. He stood stunned at what he saw next.

Vicky was discretely placing porn magazines inside his school bag.

The next day, as dad slapped him, Vicky smiled from a distance.

Vicky, were you behind this? I don’t believe what’s happening. Is this some kind of joke?

“Why do you sleep with Virat? You never slept with me,” Vicky shouted.

“He’s so disturbed, beta. I mean well for both of you,” mom reasoned.

But Vicky was in no mood to relent.

It was a quiet night. Vicky tiptoed into Virat’s room. Finding his brother in the balcony with his headphones on, he lit a candle and burnt the curtain before exiting just to enter a few minutes later to wake his mom up and pretend to save her.

Mom was sleeping. How could you harm her for venting out your anger on me, Vicky? Is this for real or a parallel world of delusion? How can I believe this?

Virat pulled his hair in frustration.

“Why don’t you return him back to the orphanage, mom?” Vicky cried. “He’s causing trouble every now and then. He almost killed you!”

“I can’t. He’s my son too. He’s young and immature. Let’s give him some time,” mom defended.

Virat was out of words. He couldn’t find an escape. Tearfully, he continued watching.

The next reel began. A teenage Virat walked hand in hand with Roshni. The rosy college days replayed in front of his eyes. Back home, he overheard Vicky’s telephonic conversation with his friend.

“That loser has a girlfriend. Can you believe it? But I know how to douse his romance. That fool thinks he’s cool?”

“What are you up to this time?” The friend asked.

“When it comes to computer technology, you know I’m a pro,” Vicky sniggered. “I’ve morphed that idiot’s pictures with a porn star and mailed it to his girlfriend via an unknown email id. Now see how his love life is crushed even before it blooms.”

So that was you! I thought it was a classmate. How would I know that an insider, that too someone I loved and trusted so much would mean harm to me?

Virat wiped his eyes. He was surprised to find himself in Swapna’s house. She crouched on the sofa, weeping silently. He remembered her dress. A pink salwar kameez. The same attire she had worn the evening they had their major fight. The last argument. The night she had ended her life.

Virat gasped. His heart beat faster as his nostrils flared up trying hard to inhale. Beads of sweat danced on his forehead as he shut his eyes against the throbbing pain that threatened to burst his head into smithereens. He slumped on the floor, almost lifeless.

Is this some kind of punishment that God is inflicting upon me? Why do I have to endure this pain again?

A sudden doorbell jolted him. Swapna wiped her eyes and answered the door. It was Vicky.

Why is he here?

“Hey, were you crying?” Vicky asked in a concerned tone.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Swapna replied with a slight smile. “You were supposed to be in Ahmedabad, right?”

“Aren’t your parents home?”

“No, they’ve gone to Pune for a wedding. They’ll be back tomorrow morning. Why do you ask?”

“Well… actually…” Vicky sat on the sofa and gestured her to sit.

“Is something bothering you?”

“Look, Swapna. We know each other for a long time. You’re not only my colleague, but my good friend too. So, it’s my duty to warn you…”

“Warn me? Can you stop beating around the bush and come to the point?”

“Virat isn’t a good guy.”

Swapna was taken aback.

That scoundrel!

“Well, you know he was adopted. Since then, he’s been a nuisance to us. He even tried to kill my mom. My parents had planned to return him back to the orphanage. But he was too shrewd and pleaded them to keep him. He’s a nasty guy. You should keep distance from him.”

Don’t believe him, Swapna. He’s a liar. Cheat. How dare he lie to you? Swapna, do you hear me? Swapnaaa…

“Vicky, he’s told me everything that had happened in his life till now. And I believe him.”

“You believe him? Despite seeing his naked pictures with that woman?”

“How do you know that?” Swapna shot up from her seat. “Only Virat and I knew about it.”

Vicky stood up stunned. “Err… does it matter?”

“Wait a minute. Was it you…was it you who mailed me those photographs? Oh my God! You’ve done that before too. With Roshni. Am I right?”

Vicky was quiet. He hadn’t expected this.

“Why did you do that to him? He loves you so much. He always talks good things about you. Poor guy. I too doubted him.” She cupped her face between her palms.

“Poor guy? Firstly, I don’t understand why my parents adopted him when they already had me. He was such an annoying kid with his nose running constantly. Yuck! My friends would tease me and ask where we found such a crappy fellow. Moreover, mom loved him more than me,” Vicky snapped. “Not only my toys, but even my room was given to him. He was the apple of their eye. I just tried to regain my position, that’s all.”

“You’re such a pain, Vicky,” Swapna rolled her eyes in disgust. “A chameleon, in fact. None of us could gauge your evil intentions. I’m ashamed to call you my friend.”

“Friend! Bah! I’m so fed up with this word.” He stepped closer to her. “I’ve been in love with you from the time I saw you in office. I never had the guts to confess my feelings. Suddenly, that freak, Virat jumps in between and snatches you away from me. Why does he do that?” Vicky hollered.

Swapna clutched her ears shut.

“Leave, Vicky. Right now. Leave!” She hollered.

“You listen to me,” he clasped her hands tight. “Leave that wretched orphan. Be with me. I love you more than him.”

“You’re hurting me, Vicky,” she cried. “Please leave me. I don’t love you. I love him. I love Virat.” She looked him in the eye.

“How dare you!” Vicky slapped her as she fell straight on the floor.

She crawled towards the door. Vicky dragged her legs. She screamed in horror.

Let her go, you double-faced rascal. I’ll punch you.

Virat tried to push Vicky, but he couldn’t even touch him. Helplessly, he witnessed like a mute shadow.

She kicked him with all her might. Yelling, he crouched on the floor. She scrambled towards the nearby bedroom door. As she tried to shut it, Vicky pushed it open. She fell back.

“Stop shouting,” he growled. “You’ll wake up the neighbors.”

He gagged her with her dupatta. The more she struggled, the tighter his grip went. Until she stopped scuffling.

Vicky stood aghast as her lifeless body fell with a thud on the floor.

Nooo…what did you do, Vicky? You killed her, you cold-blooded murderer.

Virat clasped his head and kneeled on the floor, wailing his lungs out.

Vicky marched across the room, biting his nails. He profusely perspired. Murmuring silent curses, he kicked the cot. His eyes fell on the ceiling fan. Tying her dupatta around her neck, he hoisted her up on the fan.

“Sorry, Swapna. You left me with no choice.”

Hurriedly, he left the spot.

Virat crouched below her dangling body. Dried briny patches of water stuck on his cheeks as he listlessly gaped at her beautiful face.

Resting his face between his knees, he cowered in anguish.

“Virat…” a dulcet voice whispered.

He looked around astonished. There was no one.

“Swapna?”

“Virat, you must get over me and move on.”

“I… can’t. Where are you? Please take me with you.”

“You must live, Virat. Life has given you a second chance. To bring justice. To punish that devil.”

“I don’t want to live. Nothing matters now.”

He could feel her warm breath tingling his ears.

“You matter! You do, Virat. Set my soul free. I shall wait for you on the other side.”

The voice sounded from a distance.

“Please don’t leave me.” He crawled on the floor. “Come back!”

He felt her hand over his. And then she was gone. He felt a cold metal in his hand. He opened his fist and squinted at the shining piece of gold. It was a bracelet with VICKY embossed on it.

“Swapna…” he screamed and opened his eyes.

“Virat! I’m so glad you’re awake.” His mom smiled warmly.

Virat sat on his bed and looked around. He was in his room.

“Mom, was I sleeping?” He cupped his head.

“Yes, dear. For more than an entire day. 40 hours to be precise.”

“What? How can that be? I had met Dr. Trupti yesterday.”

“That was day before yesterday, beta. But I’m glad her sleeping pills worked. You slept after so many months!”

Scratching his head, he sat perplexed.

“I’ll get something to eat.” His mom left the room.

Was it a dream that he saw? But it felt so real. He stood up. Something fell on the floor. It was the bracelet. His eyes shone. He dialed a number.

After a while his mom entered with food.

“Mom, where is Vicky?”

“He must be in his room. Why?”

“Please come with me.” He held her hand and entered Vicky’s room.

“You’re finally awake, bro.” Vicky smiled.

Virat frowned. How much he despised that evil smirk on his face.

“Vicky, where’s your bracelet?”

“Why do you ask?” Vicky was taken aback.

“Just answer me.”

“I had lost it few months ago in the flight. I had informed mom about it the very next day.”

“You mean the flight to Ahmedabad that you had boarded six months ago on the day Swapna died, right?”

Vicky gulped hard. “Yes.”

“What’s going on?” His mom quizzed.

“Mom, what if I told you that Vicky had never left Mumbai, and he was right here that night?”

“What rubbish!” Vicky snapped.

“Do you have any proof?”

“Am I being interrogated? Mom, has he lost it again?”

“Mom, just ask him to prove,” he gritted his teeth.

“Vicky, do you still have the boarding pass?” His mom asked. “Please do whatever he asks.”

“Mom, you always take his side,” Vicky roared. “And who keeps boarding pass for six long months?”

“Virat, what exactly are you looking for, beta?”

“If I’m not wrong, it was an Indigo flight, right?”

Vicky nodded.

“Mom, you know Akash, right? My friend who works for Indigo airlines. I had called him a while ago and inquired about Vicky’s flight. And guess what? He hadn’t flown that day.”

“What?” Mom asked stunned. “Where was he then?”

“Would you like to answer that, bro? Or should I do the honors?” Virat stepped closer to Vicky.

“You have totally lost it, Virat. Get out of my room.”

Virat flashed the bracelet. Vicky gasped.

“He was in Swapna’s house, mom. That night, he killed her. And this bracelet had fallen in one corner of the room, away from everyone’s sight.”

Silence rent the air. It appeared as if everyone forgot to breathe.

“Vicky? Is… is that true?” Mom’s voice shivered.

“Don’t believe him, mom,” Vicky darted to her side. “He’s lying.”

“But this piece of evidence is screaming the truth. Confess, you wretched animal. It was you, isn’t it? ‘Sorry, Swapna. You left me with no choice’. Weren’t these your final words to her?”

Vicky froze. “How do you know? Were you there? You bastard! How do you know?”

“That means… you were there…” Mom cupped her mouth and slumped on the bed.

“Mom, you always believe what he says,” Vicky sat by her feet. “Why did you bring him home? Was it because I wasn’t enough for you? He always snatched what was mine.”

“Shut up!” Mom slapped him hard. “You just proved that you were always my undeserving son. If you have an iota of love and respect for me, surrender to the police,” she cried.

***

A month later, Virat was back in Dr. Trupthi’s clinic.

“You look better,” she smiled.

“Thank you, doctor. You were right. Swapna definitely wants me to move on.”

“I’m glad. Do you remember I had mentioned about that empty wall over there?” She pointed at the opposite end. “There’s something I’m putting on it. Would you like to see?”

Virat nodded.

A huge poster was brought in that had been scribbled all over.

“What’s that?” He asked curiously, taking a closer look at it.

“It’s an autograph by the people I’ve had sessions with.

“You mean your patients?”

“I don’t like to call them patients. They’ve been my close associates. I’ve got to learn from them just by listening to them. Like you,” she smiled. “Would you like to do the honors?”

She handed him a marker pen.

“What should I write?”

“Anything other than ‘thank you’,” she laughed. “Something that you’ve learnt in this journey.”

He shut his eyes. Swapna’s smile filled his heart with contentment. He wrote what she whispered.

‘You matter’.