Fartman In Love




Hello Penmancers! Remember me? I’m your superhero – Fartman who precluded the avaricious actions of some gluttonous lumberjacks a few months back, thus safeguarding my abode. All thanks to my “weird” superpower! Well, my fame spread far and wide post that incident and reporters from all around the world thronged to our treehouse for interviews and media coverage. My Crow mother swelled with pride every time she heard a knock at our door. Today was no different. “Son, we have a comely reporter today! “, she exclaimed donning a puckish grin. “Mom! Not again!” I stepped out of my room and was nonplussed seeing a wasp-waisted twine-thin sculpted figure greeting me with a benevolent smile. Her solferino-red hair tumbled all over her shoulders.  “My name is Meena Renowned as “Pretty Ballerina” Can I under this sky so blue Have the privilege of taking your interview?” Her mellifluous voice brought me back to my senses. “Yeah, sure! Let me escort you to our garden.” *Poooooo* I exuded a fart of joy, and her flushed face emanated a rouge-red glow. We sat amidst the flowery blossoms, and she started with her questions. “Fartman, what is it that you like? Fart-attack or Poop-strike?” “Well, that depends on the situation you know!” I chuckled. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Kissing under the idyllic moon, bright?” The question struck my heart like an arrow. A sudden feeling of despondency engulfed me in its cocoon. With a keening voice, I responded, “Those are mere fantasies for me Meena. Who would love Fartman? My superpower is a dreadful turn-off for all ladies. I can show you now.” *Braaaaaaaaaat* As the putrid miasma crept over the garden, the shimmery ruby-red rose petals turned vulcanite-black and were reduced to ashes instantly. My woebegone face moved Meena to tears. She rushed towards me at breakneck speed and clasped me from behind. *Fweet* Our lovey-dovey moments were perturbed by the sound of whistles emanating from a distance. Meena turned around and saw a group of baldies, dressed like goons, deriving pleasure in ogling her, and passing lewd remarks.  “Come baby! Let me have a piece of you!” *Fuuuusssssssssssssss* An olid vapor, yuckier than the smell of a yearlong unwashed hairy armpit, was released into the air which made the baldies puke in abhorrence. “Fartman, you bastard! We’ll take our revenge someday.” The baldies yelled and skedaddled in consternation. “Hey, wait! It wasn’t me!” I exclaimed in surprise. I turned towards Meena. A set of sparkling white teeth gleamed seeing my flabbergasted face. Meena’s bubbly eyes sparkled with joie de vivre. Wrapping her hands around my shoulder, she pulled me closer and whispered into my ears. “Fartman, didn’t you know? Silent farts are deadlier than that noisy show!” Hearing Meena’s words, the murky void in my heart was suddenly filled with something pink. Flowers of love instantly bloomed. The first kiss we shared together had the luscious taste of strawberry. Penmancy gets a small share of every purchase you make through these links, and every little helps us continue bringing you the reads you love!