I Hope...
Dear Ciril,
If you are reading this, it can only mean that I have failed to keep our promise. So I shall write this apology before it’s too late, just in case.
I had lived an empty life of aimless abundance as a Lord’s wife, before we met. But watching you jump in a rampaging beast’s path like the brave fool you are, unarmed but for a stick… We didn’t even know each other then, but it was the first time I drew my sword in earnest. Fighting by your side is the best choice I’ve made in a long life of passive mistakes.
The troubles of this war are nearly past us. You, the footsoldier, and I, the noblewoman, who together broke all the rules and helped end this weary war – we found each other because we both yearned for peace. We can set down our weapons now. I know you’ve waited a long time to live freely. I am honoured that you have chosen to do so with me. But if I go with you as promised, the lingering ghosts of my past will hound both of us forever; leaving the Lord and my position behind has not fully relieved me of its burdens yet. I cannot let that bear on your freedom.
You will call me overly sentimental, but I must tell you this. Over the year we have spent together, your stubborn freedom has taught me to take the reins of my life in my own hands. Your blunt honesty and open heart have drawn me from my shell, taught me to put down my pride and find friendship and humanity in all. Your eternal, urgent curiosity about the world has made my own sedate heart see more of it, the beautiful and the ugly. You have made me more myself than before. I want to discover more of myself at your side till our final days.
We swore to travel together through a peaceful world to our heart’s content, and I want that more than nearly anything. All that surpasses it is the wish to make sure you live safely. It may cost me my life and our promise, but I do not regret it. I must leave, dear Ciril, and put those old ghosts to rest for good. It will be difficult, and I may not make it back. But I cannot ask you to risk your life for this. This is my choice.
I make another promise, one I shall keep either way – I shall do my very best to return to your side. Oh, how I wish you never have to read this. I shall see you soon, I hope.
With all my love,
Kria.
Ciril stared at the letter long after she reached its end, till the ink started to blot with fresh tears. With careful fingers, she folded and tucked it away. When she wandered the lands as freely as the wind, it stayed there, pressed against her heart.