Anuradha’s frustration was palpable as the clock’s chime echoed through the empty hall.

Time was slipping through her fingers as she waited for this moment to be with her immediate family and be the part of celebrations she had so meticulously planned. 

Her daughter’s birthday had been a long-awaited event! 

The occasion was meant to be a joyous milestone but the shadow of her past carried the clouds wherever she would be. She wondered, why had she given so much importance to this man. Was it that man or was she looking for validation and a sense of closure to the traumatic past she had been carrying forever? 

In the grand scheme of things, Anuradha was seeking happiness for herself and her family, as she planned it so conscientiously, adhering to a set schedule. Maybe deep down she was still seeking his acknowledgement or his presence to feel that the effort she put into the celebration was worthwhile. 

Anuradha laughed out loud, not realising she was at the traffic junction. She almost scared the hell out of the passerby as he jumped away from the car. Life is only about uncertainty, and the struggle remains to find security in the darkness of the day. She grinned to herself cranked up her car speakers, and tuned it to sing along with Shabnam Virmani soaked in Kabir’s words of wisdom- 

karni kare to kyon dare, kar to kyon pachhtaye, boya ped babool ka, phir aam kahan se aaye… 

She felt a certain peace; knowing that life’s unpredictability was an integral part of its beauty. The words echoed through the car, above all the voices playing in her head, weaving a tapestry of reflection. Again, her mind raced to reconcile Prabhudev's absence with the dreams she had held onto for so long. Their last meeting was so charged with emotion and uncertainty, almost like a surreal memory today. Prabhudev’s sudden disappearance and the silence that followed left her grappling with unanswered questions.

On the day of their planned meeting at the railway station, Anuradha had arrived early, her heart racing with anticipation and a mix of hope and anxiety, she looked everywhere till the train dragged itself outside the station as if fulfilling her fear of him not being present to share warmth and trust in their relationship. The train to Bangalore was more than just a means of transport; it was the gateway to her aspirations and the life she had worked hard to build with minimum support from anybody. Yet, as the minutes ticked by and the crowds of the station grew, Prabhudev never appeared.

The critical choice was to follow her dreams and build a future in Bangalore or to stay and nurture the love with her partner. She had kept the truth from him until the last moment, crafting an elaborate facade to shield him from the pain. She remembered how difficult it was to see him in pain.

Then, like an unexpected detonation, Prabhudev’s proposal to marry him shattered the fragile stillness of her inner turmoil. It was as if the universe had thrown her a lifeline, but she could not yet discern whether it was a blessing or a further complication. The job opportunity was a lifeline, but it came with the price of leaving behind the love she thought she might one day share her life with. While she remained ensnared in her self-imposed cage of secrecy; she had to take a call. She was in a cul-de-sac!

"I am right, I had no choice," she reassured herself aloud.

But the emptiness left by Prabhudev's absence was palpable. Each day, as she played both father and mother to their daughter Atreyi, she felt the strain of her dual roles. She poured her love into Atreyi, guiding her to be self-reliant and to value herself, all the while grappling with her loneliness. She came to terms with herself after spending 2 months locating him, but failed miserably; blaming herself for such a mishap! Her guilt and fear to acknowledge that her decision could have driven him away, or was there another force at play? The uncertainty gnawed at her, even as she strove to create a stable and nurturing environment for Atreyi. She wished she could turn back time only to have the chance to resolve the uncertainty and to know the true reason behind his absence.

Oh! Why is all this so important for her to follow through now? Mind is always busy in monkey business; clawing the past! But now, as the hour struck 8 PM, and her plans were in disarray, she had to confront the reality of her choices and the reason behind them; it was her daughter’s 16th birthday today!

She reached the hallway, her landlord was not at the usual desk. There was not a soul to be seen anywhere. She looked for him everywhere, she had to give him the keys to her clinic. Suddenly a movement near the window caught her attention, and hurried to get a look at anybody who could help her out. The street below was nearly deserted, with only the occasional passerby and the distant hum of traffic. She was getting frustrated whiling away this precious time she could spend with her family. With no sign of the landlord and her mounting frustration, Anuradha decided to head back up to her car. She needed to get home; guests would be arriving soon.

As she approached her car, she spotted a figure in the distance; wobbly legs and that old worn-out sweater. She could never falter; it was the landlord, walking hurriedly towards her. Relief washed over her, though it was tinged with irritation.

“Sorry I’m late,” he called out as he reached her. “I got caught up with some unexpected errands, and am yet to get over with the rest. I would like to warn you of a traffic jam around the corner due to some protests. This has become a daily nonsensical drama.” He kept mumbling something and extended his ageing hands smeared in engine oil. He could never hide his urge to be close to her, she looked so beautiful like those early years when he would longingly wait to see her at the door, pretending to look at the traffic outside. He gave a nod of understanding, sensing her urgency.

Maniratnam, affectionately known as Masterji, had always held a special place in his heart for Anuradha. He vividly recalled the day she first walked into his hall; nervous, gripping her handbag tightly, enquiring about a room for her counselling sessions. Through several ups and downs in her life, Maniratnam could only sit and watch but could never share the feelings he held for her in his heart for the past many years! He silently walked along with her, and supported her socially, as people talked about a single woman with a child. Over time, he had watched her evolve from that uncertain, apprehensive person into a confident and assured professional, standing tall in a world that often seemed dominated by men. The essence of her initial uncertainty had faded, replaced by a strong sense of self and purpose.

Anuradha handed over the keys, trying to mask her relief with a forced smile. “I appreciate it. I need to get going now.” Cursing the long wait, she brushed her unruly hair to move ahead, walking as fast as she could, as if to shake herself off the restlessness that had stayed with her all day long.

As Anuradha drove away, she still couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling from earlier. It wasn’t just the landlord’s delay—it was the unsettling quiet of the centre, the empty spaces, and the tension that seemed to linger in the air. 

Why does she always overthink?

She focused on the well-lit road that narrowed down slowly as she approached the area where people blocked the road and few vehicles dared to drive through the men with flags and sticks in their hands. Determined to make it home in time to celebrate her daughter’s special day. To her great surprise, her car was allowed to move through. She hoped that once she was surrounded by the warmth and joy of her family, the disquiet of the day would fade into the background.

Did she notice a familiar face in the crowd staring at her with such a concerned look?

Anuradha wondered if her stress was seeing things beyond her control, where familiar faces could easily blend into her perception of reality. Her mind was actively engaged in uncovering the immediate situation; someone she knows and who genuinely cares about her, or it could be a figment of her imagination!

Why did they not help the rest of the cars held hostage to their rage? Whether the face is real or imagined, she is deeply grateful for this great help in this moment!

****
Prabhudev’s life took an unexpected turn that fateful night in Nagpur!

He stood rooted to the spot, the outrageous mob with flags, blurring into insignificance as he locked eyes with Anuradha. Her presence was a powerful reminder of a past he thought he had buried deep within himself; memories of their time together were like a dormant volcano, suddenly erupting with intensity.

Anuradha looked as radiant as ever, her eyes still carrying that familiar spark of determination and resilience. But for Prabhudev, the years since their last encounter had been a whirlwind of unanswered questions and unresolved emotions. He couldn't fathom why she was here, in Nagpur, she was heading to Bangalore for a new opportunity to build a new future by herself. But that was 17 years ago! 

That particular day at her house was etched in his mind; he remembered the tension. Her refusal of his marriage proposal had left him perplexed and heartbroken. Why did she hide from him her plan to leave for Banglore? It was as if there was a veil of mystery around her reasons for wanting to leave and pursue a career instead of considering a future with him.

As he watched her now, struggling to make way driving amidst the raging crowd, the unresolved questions gnawed at him. Why had she hidden from him that night? What drove her decision to reject him so firmly? Why was she so insistent on carving out her path? As memories poured in one after another, his eyes filled with tears as he could still remember clearly lying in the hospital bed, grappling with the reality of his new circumstances, his mind constantly wandering back to Anuradha. The memories of her, the questions unanswered, and the bewildering events of that day haunted him. 

He signalled his friend part of that crowd to allow her to leave.

It was a strange twist of fate that had landed him in a hospital after almost a fatal accident that night! He was told that his bike had been damaged beyond repairs and he had multiple fractures, a lot of blood loss and his right leg had to be amputated! 

The accident had left him physically and emotionally scarred. Despite the immense care he received from Dr. Khatri and his family the burden of the medical bills weighed heavily on him; this only added to his despair. As if to answer this commotion, Dr Khatri approached him one day with an offer on collaborative projects and initiatives that benefit both parties. He needed to recognize that while the journey to repay such kindness may be long, every small step he takes can help restore his sense of purpose and hope in this uncertain life. After enduring considerable hardship and overcoming many obstacles, he was finally rewarded with a new opportunity. 

The family’s proposal to marry their daughter, Ruby, came as a surprising and unexpected gesture of goodwill. They had witnessed his struggles, admired his integrity and were moved by his perseverance. Their offer was a chance for him to start anew and he felt both honoured and overwhelmed.

Ruby, despite being a kind-hearted and gentle soul, had faced her challenges. Her stammer had caused many proposals to falter, leaving her parents disheartened and worried about her future. They had seen in Prabhudev not just a potential husband for Ruby but someone who could understand and appreciate her for who she was.

Prabhudev, grappling with his limitations and uncertainties, requested time to consider the offer carefully. He intended to clear the mess he was in. He was deeply touched by the family’s kindness but needed to find Anuradha who had been the love of his life. All his efforts failed to know her whereabouts past three months; as if she vanished from the face of this earth mysteriously. 

He thought of Anuradha, of the unanswered questions, and the missed opportunities. But life has always been generous in ways he rarely understood in the moment. He realised that life had presented him with a different path, of rebuilding, finding happiness, or perhaps exploring a new purpose. It was a journey he was willing to embark upon, with the support of the Khatri family and with the hope that he could finally find some answers to the lingering questions of his past. As he took the time to deliberate, Prabhudev knew that whatever path he chose would shape not only his future but also that of Ruby, who deserved a life filled with care and respect. The Khatri family’s offer was not just a chance at marriage but a warm gesture of their acceptance and trust in his character.

In deep gratitude, Prabhudev sought to honour his past and future and explore strength in the unexpected turns that life had presented him.

Facing a powerful emotional revelation, rather than a mystery of Anuradha's presence in Nagpur; had stirred up old memories and feelings that he thought were buried. Being a reflective person all through his life; he found his focus on his feelings and what he hoped to achieve by reconnecting. 

Is it closure, rekindling the relationship, or understanding what went wrong? 

***

She held the steering hard clenched her teeth and screamed, “Enough”! This superfast stream of thoughts that she was capable of generating; seemed to have overpowered her capacity to control her thoughts and emotions.

From nowhere, a cyclist came into her view, hit her car and fell cursing her with every possible foul word he learnt in this lifetime. Her immediate reaction was to speed off but conscience kicked in and she found herself pulling the car at the roadside and offering help. 

Some blessings were still on the offer for this day for Anuradha as he agreed to a 2000 rupee note but ran away with his cycle into the darkness. 

Was she cheated again? 

She was losing steam to think further; she slowly relaxed into the night’s offerings; words of Kabir spilling through Shabnam’s powerful and melodious voice. She melted into the cosmic energy calming her, submitted to the moment's emptiness. The music, with its profound simplicity and timeless wisdom, seemed to soothe the day's accumulated tension.

The night had quietly settled over the city. Its stillness was a welcome contrast to the chaotic day Anuradha had endured. Despite the ordeal with the cyclist, something was reassuring in the way the universe seemed to balance itself. 

As she took the turn almost bumped into the rows of cars parked along the roadside and the scattered shoes hinted at a gathering she would soon expect at her home as well tonight, to celebrate her daughter’s special day. As she took the turn, she could feel her mind easing into the rhythm of the evening. 

The laughter and chatter from the gathering reached her ears, distant but warm, a reminder of life's unending capacity for joy and the vibes of the community that man longs for. Anuradha found herself reflecting on the nature of her day. It had been a rollercoaster of unexpected events! 

Shabnam’s powerful voice caught her attention again and as she glanced at the darkened streets, she felt the tenderness in the moment. 

Isn't this a small slice of ordinary life that carried on regardless of the day's mishaps? 

As she continued driving, she took a deep breath, letting the night air fill her lungs. The day might have thrown her off course, but the night had given her a chance to reset, to find solace in the simplest of pleasures like good music, a sense of connection, and knowing all was well and taken care of by the Divine Creator.

Ah! Finally, her car slowed down at the corner, navigating through a narrow space to fit among the few others. As her car screeched into the brakes she wondered, Where were all the guests? Why aren't the lights put on? She almost ran into the house and bumped into Mr Nagesh, her neighbour who pretended not to notice her as he was adjusting his earphones with his mobile. “Oh, am so sorry Nageshji, she uttered under her breath racing up the stairs, “I was wondering where have all gone?” He almost giggled but forced an innocent look, choosing his words well, “Aunty wasn't keeping well so I took her to the nearby clinic; she is better now resting, maybe it was the exhaustion of the day. I was just going to pick her up. Would you like to join me?”

Anuradha could think no more, completely exhausted, she followed Mr Nagesh’s car down the street. They pulled up to a small, well-decorated park, where her daughter stood surrounded by a cluster of friends and family with her mother walking towards her wearing her magical smile. The park was alight with string lights, and a colourful array of balloons floated above the crowd. Surprises would not end today!

Her daughter’s face lit up with excitement as she spotted her mother. “Surprise, Mom!” she shouted, waving her scarf enthusiastically and clutching onto those huge balloons she had bought for this special day.

Anuradha’s initial surprise melted into a wide smile. Learning of the power failure; the confusion and exhaustion of the evening dissipated as she embraced the warm atmosphere of the impromptu arrangement. The effort and secrecy of the event made the gesture even more special. She glanced at Mr Nagesh, who gave her a friendly wink before slipping away to join the festivities.

As Anuradha joined her daughter and the rest of the guests, the joy and laughter of the evening enveloped her.

***

Atreyi’s sixteenth birthday had arrived with its usual mix of excitement and introspection. Loaded with gifts and charming people all around; It was her grand idea to surprise her maa by shifting the venue to a nearby park to avoid the chaos. Yet, as Atreyi moved through the festivities, her thoughts kept drifting to the one piece of her life that remained shrouded in mystery, her father!

Though her mother, lovingly referred to as "maa," had done everything in her power to shield Atreyi from the absence of a father figure, a part of her always felt incomplete. As a young girl, she accepted her maa's comforting presence and the love of her extended family who had been with her all along her growing up years. But now, the question of her father loomed larger in the most unassumed way.

Atreyi had spent countless hours sifting through her maa's belongings. She found letters, old photographs, and cherished keepsakes but there was no clue about her father. The only intriguing object was a small, locked box nestled among the jewellery and other sentimental items in her grandmother's ancient almirah. It was always kept safe but its contents remained a mystery that she never dared to enquire about.

The other day, Monika, her dear friend from early childhood, had asked Atreyi how she felt about the absence of a father. Atreyi had brushed it off with a casual response, masking the turmoil within. Monika’s question had stirred something deep inside her, again kicking in that unsettling feeling of emptiness. Her stomach churned with a sense of unease, a physical manifestation of the void she felt within that she never felt earlier.

Atreyi's mother had never been one to discuss her father. It was a subject that seemed to be enveloped in silence; a taboo topic that was generally avoided rather than addressed. This lack of discussion left Atreyi with more questions than answers, and the mystery of her father grew more pronounced with each passing year.

The excitement of this special day carried her through the next few days, till she was invited by Monika, for her special day. They share the same month, celebrating their birthdays. She chose her favourite dress and her maa dropped her at the doorstep with the gift she was so excited to give her friend. Meeting several new and old common friends, Atreyi found herself on the balcony she often chose to sit quietly, looking at their garden in all quietness. She was quite taken aback by the drawling male voice, “What are you doing all alone by yourself, while all are having fun downstairs?” she turned herself to the direction of the unknown voice and yet concerned, “This had been my favourite spot in this house, I love to sit here. Many times we have played the ‘Life’ game here and munched on chips and popcorn.” Moving towards the door she mumbled, “I got lost in those beautiful flower beds and those fresh fruits…”

While saying goodbye to Monika, she learned of her uncle who was visiting them for a few days. She felt a strange warmth and became sensitive to his presence. After many goodbyes to many friends and Uncle and Aunty, she noticed her maa waving at her, she ran to her with great joy and carried all the excitement of the day and continued her chattering!

***

This was a very close brush with Anuradha! Was Atreyi her mother? Is she married and settled in a world he never imagined she would ever be? Life is indeed all of the surprises!

This encounter has reignited his curiosity and longing to understand more about Anuradha’s life and her whereabouts. Now this seemed like the universe was playing its cards with clear indications to get closer to the mystery he had been living with so many years. 

Ruby had been a wonderful companion but lacked the enthusiasm to live life with her inadequacies. She wasn't a fighter like Anuradha, who was always ready to face any adversities life threw at her. Prabhudev’s marriage with Ruby, while full of its own set of experiences, was marked by tragedy. Ruby found life meaningless without experiencing motherhood. This led her to disregard medical advice, which resulted in a heartbreaking outcome. Her death had a devastating impact on Prabhudev, it took him a long time to grapple with and see the light of day.

Even though his leg had been lost in that horrifying accident near Bombay station, he held himself strong and courageously navigated both familiar and unknown paths; no matter where life led him. His thoughts frequently returned to the compelling mysteries surrounding Anuradha, a puzzle that continued to intrigue him.

For nearly four years now, he had been living in Nagpur, dedicating his time to an NGO founded by his friends Ravi and Savita. This organization offered support to destitute men and women, helping them harness their strengths to overcome their weaknesses. The work was both challenging and fulfilling, and he had embraced this new chapter of his life wholeheartedly. The past seemed distant and almost irrelevant compared to the purpose he found in helping others.

But life is yet not finished with throwing up more to explore!

***

Sita, the housemaid, had just dozed off on her bed she rarely had time to enjoy herself; a luxury she had never dreamt of even a year ago. Her respite was interrupted by the doorbell, pulling her from the longing to straighten her back. She opened the door to an unknown person; he seemed unusually friendly, inquiring about Anuradhadidi with a familiarity that suggested he knew her well. Despite strict instructions not to entertain unknown guests, perhaps out of politeness, she ushered him in.

The gentleman wandered around the house, examining the surroundings as if he were intimately acquainted with the place. Watching him for a while; she realised that Anuradhadidi should be informed quickly. 

Anuradhadidi arrived promptly and both stood frozen! 

Anuradha glanced at Prabhudev, her heart racing despite the calm exterior she tried to maintain. Prabhudev and Anuradha never thought about meeting one day. Looking at his leg, she realised that life had played rough on him! To calm her heartbeats, she ran inside, throwing instructions at Sita to make ginger tea with a spoonful of jaggery and onion pakoras. She hadn't forgotten anything at all!

The familiar scent of ginger tea and the crispness of onion pakoras seemed to bridge the gap of time that had separated them. Prabhudev took a deep breath, savouring the aroma that had once been a staple of their conversations. “It’s been a while,” he finally said, his voice tinged with the warmth of remembered intimacy. “I almost forgot how good this tea is.”

Anuradha offered a gentle smile, rolling her fingers through her hair absentmindedly. “Sita made it just the way you like it.” There was a long silence that kept both busy in their noisy worlds. Sita quietly retreated from the room, her presence a gentle reminder of the everyday life that continued despite all odds of events in life.  

Prabhudev looked around the room, his gaze lingering on those familiar books and her favourite piece of Matryoshka dolls on the shelf that held each corner with her taste in arranging decoratives with plants! There was a trace of sadness in his tone, a deep longing maybe. Anuradha nodded, feeling the weight of those words. “You know,” she said slowly, “when you left, I never really understood why. I couldn’t accept it.”

Prabhudev’s eyes met hers, holding his emotions that words were incapable of expressing. “It was never about leaving you behind, Anuradha. Fate played a different game with me.” Anuradha took a sip of her tea, allowing the sweetness of jaggery to soothe her. But his words held all her attention, “What had happened Prabhu?”

“I met with an accident that kept me under observation in the hospital for 3 months. Losing my leg took me a long time to reconcile with life”, Prabhudev added, with a note of pain still lingering.

A silence fell between them again, filled with unspoken acknowledgements of missed opportunities. The onion pakoras seemed to take on a symbolic weight, representing the simple joys they once shared and the emerging complexities today. Quietly both kept sipping into their cups as Prabhudev narrated his life story that remained unknown to Anuradha; she broke down into tears.

Anuradha could finally speak. “Tell me, Prabhu, what could you do differently?” He considered her question for a moment, his fingers tracing the rim of his cup. “I wish I’d been braver. Not just for myself, but for us. There were moments I let fear dictate my decisions.” Anuradha’s eyes softened. “We were both afraid, weren’t we? Afraid of losing what we had or maybe even of losing ourselves.”

“Yes,” Prabhudev agreed, his gaze holding hers with a sincerity that had been absent for too long. “But fear doesn’t change the past. It only shapes how we move forward.”

Their eyes lingered on each other, acknowledging the complexity of their shared history. The silence that followed was not empty but filled with empathy and the beginnings of reconciliation. In that silence, amidst the familiar comforts of chai and pakoras, they found a semblance of peace and perhaps, a path forward.

***

Nestling into her big rocking chair beside the grand window that framed the lush beauty of her manicured garden, Anuradha felt a deep sense of gratitude fill her heart. It had only been a year since she had bought this house with all her savings and a small loan. Her mother was all set to shift with her next week and the anticipation added a warm glow to her feelings. Lately, her feelings for Prabhudev have grown more intimate, adding a new dimension to her life; she was getting ready for a new phase.

Professionally, things were on an upswing. The future was paved with opportunities, and she had finally found a trustworthy person, Sita, to help manage her home. Sita found comfort in Anuradha’s home, feeling genuinely cared for and loved.

As a mother, Anuradha took immense pride in watching her daughter, Atreyi, excel in her studies and receive praise from her teachers. The sense of fulfilment and joy she felt was overwhelming, as if everything she had hoped for was finally falling into place.

Her eyes wandered around the cosy room, and she decided to pick up an old photo album she hadn’t looked at in years; savouring the memories captured in each photo, held a thread of her journey, moments that had been challenging and uplifting too.

In one of those pictures, her mother holding her close, with the backdrop of a ruined village, once a vibrant place of community and life; damage caused by severe landslides in that area. The poignance of the scene captured decades ago, spoke to the enduring impact of those formative experiences, shaping her past and in many ways her present; throwing up abundance and leaving the fragrance of love!

She recalled those lines of Khaled Hosseini in the book, Kite Runner:

"I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out."

The past does claw its way back now and then. Abundance embraced her once again assuring all that had come by her, was hers and what had left her, was never meant for her!