Shivani was busy with her work on the new project presentation. She was going over the final slides when the phone rang. Reluctantly Shivani answered the call. A deep voice greeted her. He showed a ray of hope.. Shivani sought solace in that unfamiliar sound.
***
The yellow school bus waited outside her residential complex gate. Hesitantly Shivani stepped inside. The usual group was already seated. Shivani was shivering, her eyes lowered and fearfully looking all over as if she had stepped into a horror castle. The two faces appeared before her No less than eerie demons threatening her, Soon Shivani was shoved aside as she stumbled barely holding the seat. They laughed like hyenas at her plight . As Shivani sobbed and refused to go to school, Her father hugged her. “You must learn to handle the bullies in your school bus. Days when the school bus did not come was a blessing in disguise for Shivani. *****
Shivani’s father’s transfer came as another blessing in disguise. Shivani would no longer be seeing the bullies. Though moving into this new complex was yet another challenge for Shivani. For any normal eight-year-old socialising with peer group came very easily. But not for Shivani. She was an introvert, had stranger anxiety, Agoraphobia. Natasha, her neighbour’s daughter was a cheerful girl. She had come to visit Shivani the day after they had moved in. Natasha’s charming persona broke the ice and both became friends. The residential complex had a fairly large play area for kids with colourful play equipment and open space too. Shivani joined the group of children but found it difficult to cope with the rough play. “Hey Shivani, you are such a crybaby. Don’t play with us if you can’t run like us” Shivani was soon ostracised by the children. Her room became a hiding place. No amount of consolation and cajoling by her parents would help Shivani overcome her fear. “Why is Shivani sitting at home when all other children are playing outside”, her father was annoyed to see Shivani sitting in her room. “The children bully her a lot, they are very aggressive” “What nonsense is this. At this age children have to be playful and active” “But Shivani can’t cope with those children” “What is so difficult about socialising with her peer group, father was enraged. When her father was away for a fortnight, Shivani thought it was a blessing in disguise.
***
Here she was walking into a club lounge. The place was unfamiliar.” Why have I come to this place. Is it desperation that has brought me here” , Shivani’s mind was flooded with thoughts. Was it the ray of hope that Shivani followed to reach here. An unknown voice, an unfamiliar face. Shivani, for a moment regretted having come to that place. She wondered if she was doing something wrong. She had not told her husband about this meeting. Her gut feeling pushed her to just give it a try. “You must be able to deal with people and situations”, father’s words rang into her ears. The lounge looked like a place for the rich to hang out. The premise had expensive designer décor. The crowd comprised of opulent, affluent people.
As Shivani drove through the main gate, her small car looked like a dwarf among giants. Premium brand chauffeur driven cars flashed by as Shivani moved at snail’s pace. After parking her car in the visitor Car park, Shivani walked towards the lounge.She was awe struck looking at the impeccably dressed wealthy people around. Clothes of luxury brands with branded accessories, fake stealth, wealthy smiles to accentuate the grooming at top salons, it all seemed like watching a film. For a while, Shivani was lost into another world. She forgot the purpose of her visit to the place.
***
Shivani met Rahul at a conference. It was a two-day conference at an exotic location. Shivani’s corporate had sponsored her along with a colleague, for the conference. Arriving at the location, Shivani was mesmerised by the beautiful landscape. The luxurious hotel with state-of-the-art facilities, the smartly dressed corporate executives who had come for the conference, everything almost gave her a panic attack. Shivani’s shy nervous look became so obvious that she stumbled while reporting at the registration desk. “Hello, you need help, are you okay” a gentle voice sounded from behind. A tall dapper young man smiled as he offered help That is the first time Shivani met Rahul. Over the next two days she had shed her inhibitions. Shivani and Rahul came so close that it felt like they had known each other for years. The next six months were filled with endless phone calls, messages and dates. A reticent, timid Shivani became comfortable and bold in Rahul’s company. Soon, they took their relationship to the next level.
For the first time in her life Shivani saw a different look of pride on her father’s face. A destination wedding for full five days was arranged by both families. Shivani and Rahul’s family had organised everything so well. The hotel, decorations, food was the best from the options given. Shivani’s father had hired a wedding planner to ensure a well-organised function. The invite was a creative one with a poem written by Shivani’s father. Every word was filled with his love for his daughter. The Mehendi, Sangeet and Vedic rituals of the wedding couldn’t be better. Presence of relatives and friends brought additional joy to the festivities.
As Shivani and Rahul took vows holding hands and taking Saptapadi around the holy fire, her heart was filled with mixed feelings. Shivani looked forward to a new future with Rahul. A home that both would decorate. Moments of whispering sweet nothings, dreams of a growing family moved before her eyes like a film. A past overflowing with love and affection of her parents, an overly concerned Mom, Dad whose tough exterior still showed his soft feelings and care for his dear ones. From the corner of her eye, Shivani could see Mom and Dad smiling as shiny pearls lined their eyes. A longing to be with Rahul in his embrace and being away from Mom and Dad – her mind oscillated between her past and present. The wedding festivities ended and with everyone leaving it was just Shivani and Rahul.
Rahul had planned a splendid honeymoon. They took off for Coorg two days after coming back from their destination wedding. The exhilaration, mixed feelings of a newlywed bride already had Shivani nervous. To top it her stranger anxiety and panic surfaced again. As the two entered the villa in Coorg, Rahul checked with service staff about meals and other things. When he came back, he saw a pale faced Shivani and was worried. “Are you okay. Let us rest today. You must be tired after the hectic wedding schedule” he said trying to make Shivani comfortable.
“Shivani let us enjoy our togetherness for two years. Then we can think of having children”, said Rahul as the two sat in the cozy villa enjoying the beautiful landscape. Shivani was almost shocked to hear this, But at the back of her mind she felt it was a blessing in disguise. She was still not so comfortable being intimate with Rahul. Though advice from family, friends and many unwanted well wishers came in abundance. Marriage means having children, raising them. listening to their chatter and laughter. Everyone said that it would make their family complete. Motherhood would have given her a sense of fulfillment. Besides it would not give Shivani a complex when she socialises with relatives, friends and acquaintances.
Why was Rahul not so keen on having children. His sister, cousins and some of his friends had children. He always played with those children, gave them toys and books. Their days became a routine of morning coffee, getting ready and going to the office and coming back home for dinner and sleep. Rahul was the best husband in terms of the attention that he gave Shivani, taking her out for shopping, dinners and holidays. But the most important part of their relationship was missing.
Shivani was under pressure from all to become a mother. Desperately each month she did the pregnancy test only to find the lines missing. Rahul consoled her and was empathetic towards her distressful condition. Shivani suggested that they should see some specialists and take the treatment prescribed. Rahul avoided going to any doctor. Once Shivani fixed up an appointment with a known doctor. “Rahul please take leave from work tomorrow. We have an appointment with Dr Sane”. “Shivani why do you indulge in such things without speaking to me. Am I a fool to not understand medical science or our physiology”, Shivani had never seen Rahul losing his temper and becoming so furious. She cringed and locked herself in the bedroom. Her pillow was soaked in tears and she was shivering. Shivani soon went back to her childhood condition of being phobic. That night and whole of next week she was cocooned in her room. She hardly spoke to Rahul and reported sick to my office. Several messages and phone calls enquiring about her health poured in but Shivani did not answer any of them. Shivani didn’t know how Rahul faced queries from family and friends.
Life again got back to the routine and Shivani could feel the distance between them increasing by the day. Father called and even visited them. The two not disclose anything to him. Both masked their agony and painted a bright picture before father. Father’s maturity held him back from probing deeper into their relationship. Rahul suggested that Shivani should spend a few days with Mom and Dad. “You need a change of scene” he said. Though she tried to hide my agony, Shivani finally broke down before Mom and Dad. “Why don’t you go for IVF”, they suggested. After coming back home, Shivani tried to behave normal. She did not want to face an enraged Rahul again. Shivani did not bring up the topic of pregnancy for some days, hoping that it would change the dull mood in their home. Shivani noticed that indeed Rahul was slowly coming back to his normal self.
Meanwhile, they had a guest at their home. Rahul’s cousin had come down from the US. His wife and child were to join him later. Rahul was very close to his cousin Amit Amit stayed with them for a week before he went to his parent’s house at Bangalore. During the course of his stay their home was brightened with Amit’s banter and cheerful disposition. He created many lighter moments and made the two smile. Amit’s stay made me overcome my fears and anxiety. After he left there was a certain emptiness felt. But Rahul seemed to be in better spirits.
On a leisurely Sunday morning, they both sat near the window having morning coffee. They had a good view of the residential complex. Just then they saw the Malhotra family cheerfully loading their picnic bags into the car. They were a cheerful couple with two bright children. Shivani could not take her eyes off from the scene. She was overwhelmed looking at the children and the joy that overflowed around the family. Shivani’s heart was pounding as feelings of emptiness and an inferiority complex seeped into her. Shivani made her decision. She must talk to Rahul about going for IVF. In the evening Shivani gathered courage to speak to Rahul. Her father’s motivational words echoed in her ears. “Shivani, you must learn to face challenges”. The TV screen was telecasting the usual news about politics and crime. “Rahul, three years of marriage, we must seriously think about having a child” “Hmmm… was Rahul’s cold response. “Why don’t we try IVF, there are many good clinics in our city”. Rahul switched off the television and turned towards her. Shivani was trembling with fear as she felt choked but yet held ground. His hard look subdued and he hugged her. Shivani was feeling better now, more comfortable. “Shivani we are a, he paused and then continued, “we are a normal couple. Why should we go for medication and artificial methods that are so stressful.. There is so much physical discomfort and mental stress that people have faced. Please stop this discussion here.”. Shivani had so far avoided discussing her plight with friends and colleagues. Most of them were in a happy space having a good family life.
Soon Shivani began to lose interest in her professional work. She missed targets, made errors in reports. All this was soon noticed and she was on the radar of Seniors. One day while at office Shivani received a surprise call from Natasha. “Hey Shivani, how are you” Shivani walked over to the lobby and spoke to Natasha so that no one listens to their talk. Shivani poured out my heart to my best friend. “Rahul is not too keen on having a child” her voice choked as she spoke to Natasha. “Shivani, control yourself. Some men are not comfortable having children around. Be patient, you can change his mind slowly”. Shivani looked around the lobby to see if anyone overheard my talk. As she turned, I saw Vanita, the office receptionist hurriedly walking away. Days and weeks passed with no change in her life.
***
Now here she was am walking into an unknown place to meet a stranger. “Hey you must be Shivani”. Shivani turned around to see a young man a little over 30, dressed in smart trousers and shirt. Shivani questioningly looked at him before recalling the voice. “I am Rakesh, he stretched out his hand”. He gently led her to a corner table in the lounge. “Would you like to have some juice” Shivani was dumbstruck but came back to her senses. “Orange juice please”, Sivani murmured still awestruck and not knowing what to say. “How did you get my number; how did you recognize me? “Oh, that is not important, the world is small” Rakesh laughed. “Okay coming to the point, why did you agree to meet me” Shivani was still looking for words to express herself. Why am I here sitting before a stranger without any anxiety Shivani wondered slightly blushing over his dapper looks “I want to be a mother. It is my dream for years. Three years of marriage and no issue”. “I can relate to your feelings. My wife and I faced the same problem. Finally, we had a child by IVF treatment. Let me tell you that it is such a tedious and stressful procedure. We have met many childless couples who are going through the stress of not having a child. So, we have formed a support group. We meet every fortnight. Would you like to join the group” The orange juice glass had beads of condensed water around it. Shivani joined the group and began to attend meetings. She did not tell Rahul anything about this. Rakesh’s wife seemed to be a sweet woman. Shivani was in a comfort zone at the meetings. The burden that she carried was eased as she spoke and listened to others sharing their woes. The support group meetings were held at different places each time. Shivani’s performance at the office was good like before and soon she was off the radar. Rahul too looked happier as Shivani did not bring up the topic of pregnancy.
On a particularly leisure day at the office, Shivani received a message from Rakesh – Meeting today at 7. The venue address followed. The meeting place was not too far from office. “I am going to meet Sheetal so may come home a little hate”, she messaged Rahul. “Okay” Rahul promptly replied. It was around 6.30 when Shivani reached the meeting venue. The door was slightly ajar. As she reached out to knock on the door, she heard Rakesh saying something.
“Snehal it is time to trap that new fish. Shivani trusts us completely. We can bring up the topic with her today. Abdulbhai also called up saying that five babies have arrived. We cannot hold them for long so have to finalise the adoptions. I have briefed Vanita on preparing the documents” Beads of perspiration rolled down Shivani’s face. She stood petrified for a moment. She recalled Vanita, her office receptionist hurriedly walking away when she had finished her conversation with Natasha. But her father came to her rescue again.
Coming early to the venue that day was a blessing in disguise.
Determined Shivani walked into the room with a fake smile. “Shivani, so how are things at your home now, Snehal said in her poisonous honey laced tone. Shivani could have won an award for her acting skills. “Rahul still does not show any interest. Can you suggest a solution”, she said in a weak voice, though inside she was raging. The couple quickly fixed the dates to see a baby and proceed with the adoption.
On scheduled day Shivani and Rahul walked into an orphanage. The couple showed them a two month baby “Please sign on these papers and you can take the baby home. Rahul silently gave missed call to Inspector Sawant.
Another adoption racket was busted.