"You are going to be a father," she had told him excitedly. As if it wasn’t clear. He knew it the moment he saw it.

Waking him up in the middle of the night, she pointed to the pregnancy test. He was not a man of emotions but his heart was dancing. Before she could wonder if he was as happy as she was, they were sharing the news with their loved ones. Soon-to-be grandparents, aunts and uncles celebrated. She began to be pampered by him and everyone else.

He became serious about life and thought about being a provider. He wanted to support her as she raised their future in her womb. He began to think about the future, seriously, for the first time in a long time. Nothing else mattered. This was a dream come true.

Her wish became his command and his job was to keep her healthy. The doctor advised a lot of caution and she agreed to each one. Taking him aside, she told him that nothing was certain until they had a heartbeat. He could not tell her. He had to be strong. For her! He stood by her and began to help her stay healthy. She did, like a penance. Each week, the struggles became worse. She endured and he stood behind her. She often complained that he did not share her pain. He didn’t argue. Yet, he carried her knowing the uncertainty that they faced.

Against all hope, the life in her womb became stronger. Despite all the worries, the little heart began to beat. He would have called the black-and-white image on the sonogram ugly any other day. That day, watching his future shake its limbs, he admired it more than a Picasso.

A beating heart. That is all life is. They now had hope. His fear was over. He did not have to suffer in silence anymore. He never stopped smiling after that. He faced every setback with a smile. So much that people wondered if something was wrong with him. He did not care.

He began to trust in a higher power. He almost prayed for the first time in years. He began to feel again that he was gifted. His only focus was to be a better provider when the baby came. He also had to make her feel loved. That was non-negotiable. It was a small price to pay. The secret that he had hidden from her was worth it. She had willed the little one into existence.  

“Fetal Demise,” said the doctor among other things. The beating heart had stopped. So did everything else around him stopped. This time, he could not hide it from her. But … How could he tell her? Tears attempted to force their way but he had to win that battle. He had to stay strong for her. For everyone else!