When An Endless Run Reached Its Destination
I knew that this could happen. Loving Anshi was to tempt heartbreak.
To her credit, she has always been frank. She cannot stay in one place for long. The presence of her camper-van outside our home is a constant reminder of her fragile heart.
I have issues of my own. Being mildly autistic, meeting new people or travelling too far from my comfort zone don’t come easily to me.
I thought we had worked out our issues over the past year. Even though I and Anshi have been living together since a year, we met long before. Five leap years, five meetings... It took us that long to give our relationship a chance.
Today, as I see her packing her bags, I can’t help feeling that I failed her in some way.
“I am sorry, Steven.” She sits on the bed heavily, her voice laden with grief. She looks devastated. Lost. My wanderer looks utterly lost.
“May be I took it too far with the marriage proposal. Things were going great between us. I feel I ruined everything by proposing to you.” I manage to say. “I do not want marriage anymore.” Liar! My mind admonishes. I have often dreamed of our marriage. “We can still have the life that we created together. You don’t have to leave.”
She shakes her head vigorously. “You deserve more! I was abandoned by my own mother. I grew up with my grandma and without my parents. I am not wife-material.” She gulps. “Neither am I parent-material. What if I abandon my own child, just like my mother did!?”
The prospect of having a child with Anshi leaves me breathless. There is nothing that I would wish more for.
“Take it from me, sweetheart, that you won’t abandon our child. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You are warm, caring and have a generous heart that can love. Give us a chance, Anshi.” My voice breaks as the prospect of losing her finally catches up with me.
She rushes to me and hugs me. I wrap my arms around her, desperately wanting to freeze this moment forever. Too soon for my liking, she withdraws from the hug, wipes her tears and takes her suitcase.
“You cannot run forever! You might go to a new place, but you cannot run away from yourself!” I shout. She simply shakes her head without looking at me and leaves.
I sink into the bed, the sound of the camper-van breaking my heart irreparably.
The van stops abruptly. Fear engulfs my heart as I imagine Anshi in an accident. I rush out of the room, only to find her rushing to me.
“I don’t want to live by myself.” She says as she throws herself at me. “I cannot live without you. I am sorry for panicking. Will you give me another chance? I will not ever think of leaving.”
My eyes close in relief as I hug her. “I can live with this.”